Category: food

A lady walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk for a pint of chocolate ice cream.

The clerk told the lady “Miss, we are all out of chocolate ice cream.”

The lady says “Oh, okay. Give me a quart of chocolate ice cream.”

The clerk says “Miss, I just told you we are all out of chocolate ice cream.”

The lady says “Oh, okay. Give me a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.”

The clerk had finally had it. He said “Miss, can you spell the van in vanilla?”

The lady looked puzzled but answered “Yes, v a n.”

The clerk said, “Very good. Now can you spell the straw in strawberry?”

The lady still looked puzzled but answered “Yes, s t r a w.”

The clerk said, “Very good. Now can you spell the fuck in chocolate?”

The lady answered, “There ain’t no fuck in chocolate.”

The clerk replied, “That’s what I’v been trying to tell you!”

In January 1994, ‘The Economist’ magazine reported that one of Secretary of Energy Hazel O’Leary’s success stories about government research scientists hired out for civilian business uses was the Argonne National Laboratory’s helping McDonald’s to find a way to speed up french frying. A team headed by physicist Tuncer Kuzay, who interrupted his work on advanced photons, placed sensors inside the frozen fries and was able to design special frying baskets to deal with the effect of steam created by melting ice crystals and to cut 30 to 40 seconds off each batch’s frying time.

He laid her on the table

So white clean and bare.

His forehead wet with beads of sweat

He rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and then her breast

And then drooling felt her thigh.

The slit was wet and all was set,

He gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide… he looked inside

All was dark and murky.

He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms…

And then he stuffed the turkey.

Aman walks into a doctors and says

“Doctor,Doctor i have a strewbery stuck up my ass”

The doctor replies

“Here have some cream”.

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest.

“Oh, I really don’t care or mind,” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

Here’s a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party:A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is unexplainably horrifying! Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.

A man walks into a resteraunt and orders a bowl of chili. The waitress tells him that the man in the next booth ordered the last one. He joins the man, see’s he has a full bowl and asks “can I have your chili?” the man says sure. The man starts eating until he comes to the bottom of the bowl and see’s a dead mouse. He vomits into the bowl, the other man says – yeah, I did the same thing.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning

against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile

on its face.

The egg, looking decidedly unhappy, grabs the sheet and rolls over

and says, “Well, I guess we finally know the answer to THAT

question!”

Chocolate Chip Cookies:Ingredients:1. 532.35 cm3 gluten2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO33. 4.9 cm3 refined halite4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O116. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O117. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in-law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, “I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It goes down real rough.”
“Well,” she asked, “how long did you cook it?”

“You’re supposed to cook it?” he said.

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “My goodness, doc, exactly what’s my problem?”

Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

There was a guy he was at a baseball game….
this man had terrible lepercy and his back was filled with pus and blood and all that…

well the guy beside him kept throwing up…

so the man with the disease said “i am sorry i know its me i will go”

the man looked at him and said “no its not you, you can stay”

the man with the disease said ok so he sat back down

later the man threw up again and the man with lepercy said “i will go i am sorry”

the other manh said no its not you just stay its ok” so the man stayed

then like 10 min. the man threw up again and the man with the disease said ok enough i am gonna go now. the other man said no don’t go its not you just let me explain…the guy behind my keeps dipping his chips in you back…

Taipei, Taiwan (AP) – Diners tempted to lick a plate after a delicious meal can now go a step further – eat the plate.Chen Liang-erh, 50, an amateur inventor, announced Friday that he had perfected an edible plate made from wheat grain, and that he planned to mass-produce it and other edible crockery including cups, bowls and food containers.Chen spent six years developing the plate, which he said would retail at about 7 cents each.Diners who don’t want to eat the items – which taste like unsalted popcorn – can boil them for a nutritious meal for animals, he said.Chen said this can help reduce pollution caused by discarded crockery. The only disadvantage, he said, is his crockery cannot be washed and reused.