Category: fictional characters

One day a bannana, orange and dick sat down. the orange said i
have the worst life, i get peeled and then get pissed on. THe
bannana said i have th worst life i get peeled pissed on and
eaten. the dick said i go into dark caves and do push ups until
i throw up.

A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive course
lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife
sliced her shot right through the large front window of the
biggest house along the course. They walked up, knocked on the
door and heard a voice say, “Come on in.”

When they opened the door, they saw glass everywhere and a
broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the couch said, “Are
you the people who broke my window?”

The husband began to apologize, but the man cut him off,
“Actually, I want to thank you, I’m a genie who was trapped in
that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. I’m allowed to
grant three wishes, so what I’d like to do is give each of you
one wish, and I’ll keep last one for myself.”

“Fantastic!” said the husband. “I want a million dollars a year
for the rest of my life.” “No problem,” said the genie, “it’s
the least I can do.”

“I want a house in every country in the world,” said the wife.
“Consider it done,” said the genie, “and now for my wish.
Because I’ve been trapped in that bottle, I haven’t had sex in a
really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife.”

The husband looked over at his wife and said, “Well, we did get
a lot of money and all those houses…If you don’t mind honey, I
don’t either.” The wife agreed.

The genie took her upstairs and ravished her for 3 hours. After
he was through, the genie looked at the wife and asked, “How old
is you husband, anyway?”

“Twenty-five,” said the wife.

“And he still believes in genies?”

One night, far far away, a ball was announced in honor of the
Prince returning home from a crusade. Every eligible maid was to
attend. Cinderella was thrilled! She asked her step-mother if
she may go.

Step-Mother replied, “Hell No! You got work to do you dirty
little hussie!”

Cinderella was crushed and ran outside and cried! Moments later
a bright light appeared and a ravishing little old lady dressed
in white and blue.

“Who the Hell are you?” Asked Cinderella with tears dripping off
her pale cheeks.

“I’m your Fairy God Mother! And I’m here to help you!” Replied
the shapely woman.

“Really?” Cinderella asked with hope. “How are you gonna do
that?”

With a tap of her want she made a beautiful coach with radiant
silver horses appear.

“Holy Shit!” Cried Cinderella in awe.

“That’s not half of it!” And with another tap of her wand she
made a very handsome coachman appear.

“But you’re missing something. My dress! I need a dress with
some pumps and a necklace. Oh, and some make-up. And maybe some
jewelry, please!” Cinderella said.

“No problem!” And with another tap of her want Cinderella was
dressed in the most extravagant clothes and fine jewelry.

“Oh how can I ever repay you?” Cinderella pleaded.

“Well, don’t be too happy. There is one flaw. If you’re not home
my midnight, I’ll turn your pussy into a pumpkin.”

“Oh, I’ll be sure to be home on time! I Swear!”

And off she went into the coach and off to the ball. When she
arrived there she spotted a very handsome guy. She introduced
herself and danced with him for half the night. It was getting
to be late and Cinderella was very disappointed to have to
leave, but knowing the consequences, she asked to excuse
herself. “….But by the way, what’s your name?” Cinderella
asked.

“Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater.” The handsome man replied.

“Hmm….now that I think about it, I don’t need to be home this
early…”

Yung lady hears a door bell. She comes to the door and asks who
it is.
“Hello?” from behind the door. “I heard that you’re lookin for a
man.”
“Oh, yes. Please come in”, lady says.
She opens the door, there stands a young man in very poor clothe.
“Sorry, i don’t like you”, she slams the door.

In few hours she hears another door bell.
“Hello?” voise from behind the door.
“Hello!” she opens the door.
There stands an old fat guy, but rich.
“Sorry, you’re not my tipe” she close the door.

In an hour another door bell.
“Hello? I heard you’re looking for a sexy & rich guys. I’m one
of them.”
She opens the door and see guy with.out arms and legs.
“Sorry, I can’t have children with you, you’re handicape.” she
says
“Well, how do you think I rang the door bell?”

An English man Irish man and a Scottish man enter a bar.
They ask the bar man for a free meal and the bar man says “yes,
if you kiss my daughter”
so the english man runs up the stairs and spots his daughter,
but she has skabs all over her face, so he runs out.
Then the same thing happens to the scottish man and he runs out.
Then the irish man goes in pulls the scabs of her face, puts
them in a bag and throws them out the window, then after kissing
the girl he gets his free meal and leaves the bar saying
“that was a good meal”
then both the scottish and english man say
“yes, and we had a nice bag of pork scratchings!”

Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his
own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that
the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he
could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole
year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words
(this was before the time of letter writing or sign language).

One day he met a beautiful princess (ruby lips, golden hair,
sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest
difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole
years so that he could look at her and say, “my darling,” But,
at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved
her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking
(bringing the total number of silent years to 5).

But, at the end of these five years he realized that he had to
ask her to marry him. So, he waited ANOTHER four years without
speaking.

Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no
bounds. Leading the lovely princess to the most secluded and
romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped
a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her
hand in his, said huskily, “My darling, I love you! Will you
marry me?”

And the princess tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty
ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby
lips, said, “Pardon?”

Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella,
Not a creature was stirrin’,
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.

When up on da roof
I heard somethin’ pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, “YO! Keep it down!”

When what to my
Wanderin’ eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elves,
And eight friggin’ reindeer!

Wit’ slicked-back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
Don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!

Wit’ a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name:

“Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!”

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me ‘side the head.

“What da hell you doin’
Pullin’ a gun on da Don?
Now all you’re gettin’ is coal,
You friggin’ moron!”

Den pointin’ a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin’,
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin’.

Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
“Merry Friggin’ Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!”

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.

3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get
them to fly.

5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull
goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees
that big, red Santa suit!

6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say “We hate Christmas,” and “Go away Santa.”

7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf
of bread on his way home.

8. While he’s in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As
soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn’t
have missed that last payment, and take off.

9. Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out,
with a note that says, “For The Tooth Fairy.

10. Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few
drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, “For
Santa.”

11. Take everything out of your house as if it’s just been
robbed and when Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman
and say, “Well, well. They always return to the scene of the
crime.”

12. Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute
changes and corrections.

13. While he’s in the house, cover the top of the chimney with
barbed wire.

14. Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s
sure to see them. Go outside, yell, “Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s
got a red nose!” and fire a gun.

15. Leave Santa a note, explaining that you’ve moved. Include a
map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

16. Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa
to get caught in it, and then explain that you’re sorry, but
from a distance, he looked like a bear.

17. Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

18. Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While
he’s in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up,
act like you’ve been “trampled.” Threaten to sue.

19. Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.
Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then
say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.”

Ever wonder how the seven dwarves got their names?

Miss Snow White was a randy cow,
And desperate for a fuck.
So off she went into the woods,
To try and get some luck!

She’d almost given up looking,
When she saw some chimney smoke.
Then stumbled on a cottage,
And went in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in seconds.
And she’d just removed her pants,
When seven Dwarves came marching in,
With a merry song and dance.

Snow White just stood there speechless,
And thought she was in heaven!
Originally after one good shag,
But now she could have seven.

Straight away she took command,
“My fanny need a lick!”
And when one dwarf moved forward,
She said “Oi-you’d better drop you pick!”

So down he went onto all fours,
And said “I ain’t licking that!”
“Not there, that me arse-hole,
You DOPEY little brat!”

The next dwarf started blushing,
“Do we have to do it here?”
Snow White said “Don’t be BASHFUL!
Unless you’re fucking queer!”

So reluctantly he whipped it out,
To prove he was no fool.
And Snow White gave a big “Heigh-Ho”
As she rode upon his tool.

Now one dwarf wasn’t smiling,
‘Cos he hadn’t had a sniff.
And due to his impatience,
He couldn’t raise a stiff.

“Relax, you GRUMPY bastard”,
So he did as he was told.
And as soon as he was hard enough,
He shot his fucking load.

The next dwarf got a blow job,
And she took him in quite easy.
But she just avoided brain-damage,
Whe he sneezed, she called him SNEEZY.

With three dwarves left, she turned and said,
“You’re next, I want your knob!”
But no sooner had he entered her,
Than he was sleeping on the job.

“Wake up you SLEEPY idiot”
She wanted more from him.
And he woke with such excitement,
That he filled her hairy quim.

The next dwarf rammed his up her,
And shagged her fanny raw.
And dazed Snow White then whimpered,
“That should be against the law!”

He made poor Snow White tremble,
He was so big and thick.
“No wonder you’re so HAPPY,
With that fucking great big dick.”

With one dwarf still remaining,
But feeling rather sore,
She said “You’ll have to use your tongue,
My clit can’t take no more.!”

And so he put his tongue to work,
Where others had put their cocks.
And ‘cos he made Snow White feel better,
She named the last one DOC.

Now Snow White couldn’t do much,
With all that cum inside her quim,
So she grabbed a cup, and squatted,
And filled it to the brim.

So there’s the truth about the dwarves,
And how they got their names,
By satisfying miss Snow White,
And joining in her games.
There’s one more thing you need to know,
And that’s what happened to that cup?

Well think of what you’re drinking…

When you next buy 7-UP

What did minnie mouse say when she was on top of pinnico?
Lie to me

What the dwarf say to snow white?
hi ho hi ho it`s off to bed we go.

One day a man was swimming for an hour.Then he ate lunch and
waited for half an hour.He swam for 2 hours then it was time for
the pool to close.When he got ouit he saw he was naked and his
shorts were at the end of the pool and a kid about 2 or 3 saw it
and put it somewhere far.He went to the closest change room and
that was the women’s a whole bunch of girls saw him and screamed
soo loud that a whole other bunch of girls saw and one of them
jumped in the pool.In the pool he saw a pair of shorts where the
girls was so he jumped in and the girls was thinking that he was
going to have sex with her sooo he yelled HELP!.Then man wanted
to shut her up so he jumped on top of her and then a girl had a
phone and said There is a man trying to have sex with a girl and
he is naked.These kind of men came and saw what he was doing and
one man jumped in and was soooo mad that he punched the man and
put him to jail.The other girls wondered why he punched him sooo
hard and put him to jail?The man said that’s my wife and he’s a
person i know who was at how to sex girls class!I saw him there
because we were looking for a bad person who liked to suck every
piece of a girl and I found out it was him!That’s why!

There is a bar on the top of the Empire State Building……Two
men are walking out of it.They walk to the
edge…………………..

Guy #1: hey I bey you $100 I can jump off the building stop at
the 20th floor, and come back up………..

Guy #2: man, you’re crazy……..

Guy #1: Is it a bet????

Guy #2: well, okay……….

Guy one jumps off of th Empire State Building….he’s
fallin, fallin, fallin…….stops at the 20th floor and shoots
back up!

Guy #1: See, I told you……

Guy #2: WOW, Dude! That was ammazing! How’d you do that???

Guy #1: It’s easy, Now, i’ll give you a chance to win back your
money…….I bet you $1000 you can do it too….

Guy#2: well, i dunno…..I’ll try

Guy #2 Jumps off of the building…..he’s fallin, fallin,
fallin, fallin…….the 20th comes up…..and he keeps on
going……he hits the ground with a spine-tingling “SMUSH”

Guy#1: sucker……..

Guy #1 walks back intothe bar alone…….The bar tender
figures out what happened….looked at the guy and says……..

“SUPERMAN, you can be such an asshole when you’re
drunk…….”