Category: fictional characters

Superman and one of his superhero friends are flying around
Metropolis one day, looking for trouble like they usually do.
Seeing no crime, Superman makes the suggestion that the two fly
down to the beach to see what is going on. His friend, being
bored, happily agrees.

As the two fly along the beach, they spot Wonder Woman, “spread
eagle” on the beach. Superman’s friend is simply amazed by what
he is seeing. Superman, seeing his friend’s astonishment and
looking to impress him even further, proclaims, “I’ll bet you
$10 that I can fly down there, screw her and fly back before she
even realizes that I’m doing it.” His friend, eyes still fixed
on the naked beauty, looks at Superman and just starts laughing.
“I’d like to see that…you’re on.”

So Superman flies down, bam-bam-bam, flies back and says, “See,
I told you I could.” His friend, obviously impressed, forks over
the $10. Just then, Wonder Woman says, “What the hell was that?”
And the invisible man replies back, “I don’t know, but my ass
sure does hurt.”

Once upon a time there lived a prince and a princess that showed
their love for each other all the time. There was also this
wizard that hated seeing people in love, especially the prince
and princess. One day he decided to put an end to it. The wizard
turned the princess into a rose in the garden. But she was only
a rose during the day and at night she turned back into a woman.
So finally the wizard was happy.

After awhile the wizard noticed that the prince was letting his
love (the princess) in the castle at night when she turned back
into a human. The wizard was furious. So the next day he picked
two roses plus the one rose the princess was turned into. He set
them on a table and told the prince, “If you can pick the rose
that is your love then she will forever be a human. If you pick
wrong she will forever be a rose in the garden”. The prince
thought for awhile and picked the one all the way on the left.
He was right and the princess turned back into a human and lived
happily ever after with her prince.

Phew…now the question to this riddle: How did the prince now
the left rose was his love?

The answer: He knew which one was her cause he remembered at
night time he let her in the castle so she wouldn’t have dew on
her like the other two roses that were out in the garden all
night.

Here is a short list of short-lived comic superheroes,villians
and characters:

Captain Sponataneous Combustion
Suicidal Man
Dr.Venerial Disease
The Amazing Decaying Man
Mr. Obese
Mama’s Boy
The Sarcastic Hostage
Gasoline Man and His Sidekick The Amazing Flaming Boy
PMS Girl and her Sidekick, Insensitive Man
The Glow in the Dark Stalker

One day a teacher had each student tell the rest of the class
what their favorite color was. The last child she asked was a
boy named Danny. “What’s your favorite color Danny?”
“Purple passion,” he replied.
the teacher yelled, “Go to the principals office right now
young man.”
The principal asked him, “What did you do Danny?”
“All I said was that I liked purple passion and-“
“You are supended from this school forever!” the principal
screamed.
The boy walked home. When he got there his mom asked, “What’s
wrong hon?”
“I said I liked purple passion-“
“Go up to your room and stay there. Your dad will have a talk
with you when he gets back from work,” the mom said sternly. So
the boy walked up the stairs to his room.
When his dad got home he went up to Danny’s room and said,
“What did you do son?”
“I told mom I liked purple passion and then-“
“Young man, I dissown you,” The father yelled as he kicked his
Danny out of the house.
Danny walked down the street and he met up with George Bush,
Bush said to him, “What’s wrong little boy?”
“I said I liked purple passion and-“
“YOU MUST LEAVE THIS COUNTRY IMMEADIATLY!” Bush commanded.
Danny got on a plane to South America. On the plane a
stewardess asked him, “Hey sweety, what’s with the water works?”
“Well,” Danny said, “I said I liked purple passion and-“
“Go see the pilot right now,” the stewardess said as her face
turned beat red with anger.
Danny walked into the cabin and the pilot said, “What’s up?”
Danny whined, “I said I liked purple passion-“
“Don’t you ever ride one of our planes again!” the pilot
yelled as he slammed a paraschute onto Danny and kicked him out
of the plane.
Danny landed in Mexico. He took off the parachute, sat down
on the sidewalk, and began to cry. An old lady walked up to him
and said, “Hello darling. Could I trouble you to ask what’s
wrong?”
“I said I liked purple passion and now everyone hates me,”
Danny sobbed.
“I know someone who can help you,” the old lady said. “he live
in the house across the street.” As Danny crossed the road he
was run over by a truck. What is the moral of this story?

Look both ways before crossing the street.

And there was beeing a exposition for a famos painter in town.
The pictures were amazing, perfectly painted. But people
wouldn’t buy it. The price was to high.
Almost on the end of the exposition. A men came in, and talked
to the assitent.
“Excuse me, is it true that after the artist dies, the painting
is wort much more?” the man asked.
“Why yes” the assitent said, “What can I do for you?”
“I will like to buy all of the paintings, please, here is a
check.”
“Wow, thanks.”
So the guy went away. With a smile on his face. An the
assistent ran to tell the artist the great news.
“What, he bought it all?” the artist asked. “Why?”
“I don’t know, he asked if when the artist died, if the paings
were worth more.” the assistent said “I told him that yes and he
bought it all”
“What’s his name?”
“Dr. Hank” the assitant said taking a look at the check. “Isn’t
that the doctor that checked you last week?”

There was a Englishman a Irishman and a Scottishman and they
were about to jump in a swimming pool, and suddenly a gienie
approachs them and says “what ever u say when u jump in the
swimming pool u will land in ” so the Scottish man says “beer”
so he lands in beer! the Englishman says”whisky”and he lands in
whisky!The Irishman took a long run up and triped on a stone and
said “SHIT” and he landed in shit !!!!

Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 30 years
with only apes for company, and suitably shaped holes in trees
for sex. Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this
legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a clearing and
discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting into a jungle oak. She
watched in awe for a while.

Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion Jane came
out into the open and offered herself to him. As she reclined on
the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her and gave her a big kick in
the crotch. In pain she screamed “What the hell did you do that
for?” Tarzan replied, “Always check for squirrels.”

The 7 dwarfs were walking through rome and met the pope. Dopey
went up to the pope and asked,”are there any dwarf nuns in rome?”
the pope replied,”hmm….no there are no dwarf nuns in rome.”
the other 6 dwarfs started giggling, and dopey turned to
scilence them. Then he asked,”are there and dwarf nuns in
europe?”
the pope replied,”um….no there are no dwarf nuns in europe.”
the other 6 dwarfs started laughing, and again dopey scilenced
them. Then dopey asked,”mr.pope, are there any dwarf nuns
anywhere?!?!”
the pope replied,”well….no there are no dwarf nuns anywhere.”
the other 6 dwarfs burst out in laughter and were rolling on the
ground chanting…”DOPEY FUCKED A PENGUIN!!DOPEY FUCKED A
PENGUIN!!!”

Once upon a time there were three kids. One called Poo, one
called Manours and another called Get Lost.
Poo fell over and hurt himself badly, Manours said too Get Lost
“go and find some help”.
Get Lost found a police man. The police man asked his name, in
reply he said “Get Lost”, so the police man said “where is ur
manours?”.
Get Lost said “he’s over there picking up Poo”.

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both
male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year,
male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth
in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical
rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, every single one of them,
from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known. Only women would be able to drag a fat ass
in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not
get lost.

Five Reasons Why Santa must be a Woman…

1. First of all, Santa “remembers” it’s Christmas.

2. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.

3. Only a woman would come up with a silly red pantsuit
and matching belt to boot!

4. No guy would ever name his animals Rudouph, Dancer,
Prancer, Glizten, etc.. Sissy names….

5. Nobody has ever seen Santa leaking off a roof…

Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts,
*still* insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.

I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I’m sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher’s lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell “She’s Dead” at roll call.
The principal’s toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal “spud head”.
Goldfish don’t bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
No one is interested in my underpants.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I will never win an emmy.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will not say “Springfield” just to get applause.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
I am not deliciously saucy.
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with “Hail Satan”.
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
I will not waste chalk.
I will not skateboard in the halls.
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
I did not see Elvis.
I will not call my teacher “Hot Cakes”.
Garlic gum is not funny.
They are laughing at me, not with me.
I will not yell “Fire” in a crowded classroom.
I will not encourage others to fly.
I will not fake my way through life.
Tar is not a plaything.
I will not Xerox my butt.
It’s potato, not potatoe.
I will not trade pants with others.
I am not a 32 year old woman.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not drive the principal’s car.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not sell school property.
I will not burp in class.
I will not cut corners.
I will not get very far with this attitude.
I will not belch the National Anthem.
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not do anything bad ever again.
I will not show off.
I will not sleep through my education.
I am not a dentist.
Spitwads are not free speech.
Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
High explosives and school don’t mix.
I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
I will not squeak chalk.
I will finish what I sta
“Bart Bucks” are not legal tender.
Underwear should be worn on the inside.
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.