Category: engineers

Some people pay for their on-line services with checks made payable to “The
Internet.”

All objects in the world can be placed into one of two categories:

– things that need to be fixed,
– things that will need to be fixed after you’ve had a few minutes to play
with them.

1. It’s easier for a woman to “turn on” a computer
2. Women don’t have motherboard fixations.
3. Women are much better at FDISK-ing a hard drive
4. When lost on the Internet, women are willing to ask for directions.
5. Women can communicate gossip and rumors quicker than the fastest modem.
6. Only women (I think) can marry Bill Gates.
7. Women see a 14 inch monitor they think it’s a 14 incher and not a 20.
8. Women have bigger SMART drives.
9. Women don’t think with their joysticks.
10. Women actually read installation manuals.

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married
years.

Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn
stormer flew into town to offer rides.

Bob would ask, and Sue would say, “No way, ten dollars is ten dollars.”

The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn’t have much longer, so he got Sue
out to the show, explaining, it’s free to watch, let’s at least watch.

And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an
arguement.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem,
and said, “I’ll tell you what, I’ll take you up flying, and if you don’t say a
word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.

Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the
dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and
went back the air port.

“I’m surprised, why didn’t you say anything?”

“Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten
dollars.”

There was once a very smart horse. Anything that was shown it, it mastered
easily, until one day, its teachers tried to teach it about rectangular
coordinates and it couldn’t understand them. All the horse’s acquaintances and
friends tried to figure out what was the matter and couldn’t. Then a new guy
looked at the problem and said,
“Of course he can’t do it. Why, you’re putting Descartes before the horse!”

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the
plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach
because she doesn’t have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde,
I’m smart, I have a good job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach
Jamaica.”

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the
blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde, I’m smart, I have a
good job and I’m staying in first class until we reach Jamaica.” The head
stewardesses doesn’t even know what to do at this point because they still have
to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blonde is causing a
problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately
gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the
copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The
copilot replies, “I told her the front half of the airplane wasn’t going to
Jamaica.”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the
hotshot young Engineer, fresh out of MIT,
“And what starting salary were you looking for?”
The engineer coolly said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks
vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement
fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years – for starters,
say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer tried to control his excitement, but sat straight up and said,
“Wow! Are you kidding?”
“Yeah,” the interviewer shrugged, “But you started it.”

There are two kinds of mathematicians:
those who can count and those who can’t.

There are two groups of people in the world;
those who believe that the world can be
divided into two groups of people,
and those who don’t.

There are two groups of people in the world:
Those who can be categorized into one of two
groups of people, and those who can’t.

Did you hear about the bill Clinton virus?
It has a seven inch hard drive but no memory.

A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his
computer had told him he was ‘bad and invalid’. The tech explained that the
computer’s ‘bad’ command and ‘invalid’ responses shouldn’t be taken personally.

A frantic call was received by a user that his external computer equipment
wasn’t working. The problem was quickly resolved when tech support asked how
many cables were coming out from the piece of equipment. “One replied the
caller” The power cord hadn’t been connected.

A communication technician drafted by the army was at a firing range. At the
range, he was given some instruction, a rifle and 50 rounds. He fired several
shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had
completely missed the target.

The technician looked at his weapon, and then at the target. He looked at the
weapon again, and then at the target again. He then put his finger over the end
of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his
finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area.