Category: engineers

There were 3 men working on a bridge that was too built above the Grand
Canyon. They were an Englishman, an American and an Irishman. One day, they sat
down to lunch and see what they got. The Englishman opened his lunchbox and
said:� Vegemite sandwich again! If I get vegemite sandwich again tomorrow I’ll
throw myself off the bridge.” The American opened his lunchbox and said:” Pork
chops and apple sauce again! If I get Pork chops and apple sauce tomorrow I’ll
throw myself off the bridge.” The Irishman opened his lunchbox and
said:”Orhhhhhhh…..!!! Mashed potatoes again! If I get mashed potatoes tomorrow
I’ll throw myself off the bridge.” The three men finish their lunch and get back
to work.The next day, as they sat down to lunch again, they did the same
thing. The Englishman opened his lunchbox and it was a vegemite sandwich. He
said:� So long guys.” and threw off the bridge. The American opened his lunchbox
and it was pork chops and apple sauce. He said to the Irishman:” So long dude.”
and throws himself off the bridge. The Irishman opens his lunchbox and it was
mash potatoes. He throws himself off the bridge.

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?
A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it’s tedious to step through all
those variables.

Once there was a chinese guy that never knew english and went
to visited New York, and saw the statue of liberty,
so then he asked the person beside him “who built this
thing?”(in chinese)and the person said “what do you mean?’
“oh, whach yu min , that means he must be chinese”(in
chinese).So then he went on and saw the bridge.Then he
asked a lady “who built this bridge”(in chinese)then the lady
said”what do you mean” “oooooooooh, i want to meet
this man,(in chinese)So then he was smiling alot, and walking
and all of the people were staring at him, So then he
bumped into a funeral and asked “who’s in that that cofin?the
the man said “what do you mean” ” oh no, whach yu min
is dead!, and then he went crying back to china.

The Tao is like a glob pattern:
Used but never used up.
It is like the extern void:
Filled with infinite possibilities.

It is masked but always present.
I don’t know who built to it.
It came before the first kernel.

Q: What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?

A: Someone who has a loophole named after him.

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Irrelevant – the light bulb’s preferences are to be taken as given.

Tech Support: “Ok Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same
time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the
letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.” Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.” Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.” Customer: “I’m not going to do
that!”

1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the
rollers.

2. You can’t drive your car in the rain.

3. Your ‘significant other’ is afraid to drive your car.

4. You are afraid to drive your car.

5. You spend more on tires than on food.

6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.

7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the
dash.

8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.

9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.

10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.

11. Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher wave you by.

12. You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.

13. You’re tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.

14. Red signal lights shift to green as you’re approaching then shift back to
red as you’re receding.

15. You arrive somewhere before you left.

16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if
“they can look under the hood.”

17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.

18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.

19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in
the Cannonball Run.

20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the
car.

22. You need parachute braking.

23. ‘significant other’ won’t even ride in the car.

24 There is no possible way to “sneak out” of your neighborhood at 6 am.

25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is
opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors…)

26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with ife-sized posters of
your car.

27. Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!

28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn’t everybody???)

29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the
windshield. (what else is there to clean???)

30. You find out that side mirrors don’t hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.

Customer: I’ve been signed up with your service for over a week, and have not
been able to connect even once because of busy signals. If I can’t get any
better service than that, I’m going to switch to another ISP.Tech Support:
Hmmm…that shouldn’t be happening. We’re nowhere near maxing out our dial-up
lines. Are you sure you’re dialing the right number?Customer: I’m not stupid! I
know my own phone number!Tech Support: Now click the ‘connect’ button.Customer:
(modem dialing noises) Hold on, I have another call. (Pause) Hmmm. No one there.
Ok, I’ll try this again. (modem dialing noises) Hold on, I got another call.

10.You attempt to explain entropy to strangers at the table
during a casual dinner conversation

9. You explain surface tension to your child when he asks why
you add oil while boiling spagetti

8. You explain your position as being a ‘oasis of knowledge in a
vast desert of ignorance’

7. When people around you yawn, you think it’s because they
didn’t get enough sleep

6. You have a favorite pump manufacturer

5. Your family has no idea what you do at work

4. you consider cuddling an unproductive application of heat
exchange

3. If you see a design, sufficient for its pupose, but still
must change it and profess that the person who made it was a
complete idiot

2. You can have no pulse, but still be alive

1. You can perform triple integration and do so to solve even
the most basic problems

There was an Individual in a company where I used to work who had the title of
“Technology Supervisor.” One of her first projects was to put a PC on everyone’s
desk. She decided to go with the model that had the highest rated power supply.
Why? She figured it must be the most powerful. She also submitted a request to
upper management to rewire the division’s building to run on 220 volts because
it would make the existing equipment currently running on 110) “perform better.”
Needless to say, she did not last very long in that position.

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and he logs
on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can wait until tomorrow.