Category: engineers

My neighbour works in the operations department in the central office of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their
computers. One night they got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who
had this question: ‘I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you
guys have a fire downtown?’

A guy gets back from a computer convention and is telling his wife about how
it went, “Honey, It was so crowded, a real zoo. You couldn’t get a nerd in
edgewise!”

Q: What’s the difference between a finance major and an economics major?

A: Opportunity cost.

An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining
cabins at an old motel. First the engineer’s coffee maker catches fire. He
smells the smoke, wakes up, unplugs the coffee maker, throws it out the window,
and goes back to sleep.
Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. He wakes up and sees that a
cigarette butt has set the trash can on fire. He says to himself, “Hmm. How does
one put out a fire? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash
point; isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. This could be
accomplished by applying water.” So he picks up the trash can, puts it in the
shower stall, turns on the water, and, when the fire is out, goes back to sleep.

The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. So
later, when he finds that his pipe ashes have set the bed sheet on fire, he is
not in the least taken aback. He says: “Aha! A solution exists!” and goes back
to sleep.

My computer is like Britney Spears; cheap, white, and plastic.

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revisions.

You window shop at Radio Shack.

You’re convinced you can build a phaser gun out of your garage door opener.

All your dress shirts are short-sleeved.

You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.

You can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next
to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks “And
get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for
the parrot and forgets the coffee.

When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls
“And get me another whisky you idiot”. Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking
with another whisky but still no coffee.

Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach “I’ve asked
you twice for a coffee go and get it now or I’ll kick you”.

The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out
of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns
to him and says “For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”

An IBM customer had troubles in installing software and rang for support, “I
put in the first disk and that was OK. It said to put in the second disk and I
had. Some problems with that disk when it said put in the third disk – I
couldn’t even fit it in…” The user hadn’t realized that “Insert disk 2” meant
to remove disk 1 first.

Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?

A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong
way.

Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was
typing and turned to a secretary and said, ‘I’m almost out of typing paper. What
do I do?’ ‘Just use copier machine paper,’ the secretary told him. With that,
the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five ‘blank’ copies.

At a press conference the Brunettes announce they are going to make a trip to
the Moon. The Redheads speak up “That’s been done before, we’re going to go to
Mars”. The Blondes speak up “That’s nothing, we’re going to be the first people
to go to the Sun”. One of the reporters says “Don’t you idiots know that you’ll
burn up?” The Blondes say “NO WE WON’T; WE’RE GOING TO GO AT NIGHT!”