Yours Fun Portal !
Q: How many Microsoft tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here, and it seems to be working
fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark
is it? Okay, there could be 4 or 5 things wrong…have you tried the light
switch?
When license fees are too high,
users do things by hand.
When the management is too intrusive,
users lose their spirit.
Hack for the user’s benefit.
Trust them; leave them alone.
A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and
starts to nose down. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the
plane is too heavy. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to
make the plane lighter. They throw out a pistol. “Throw out more!” shouts the
pilot. So they throw out a rifle. “More!” he cries again. They heave out a
missile, and the pilot regains control.
He pulls out of the dive and lands safely at an airport. They get into a jeep
and drive off. Pretty soon they meet a boy on the side of the road who’s crying.
They ask him why he’s crying and he says “A pistol hit me on the head!”
They drive more and meet another boy who’s crying even harder. Again they ask
why and the boy says, “A rifle hit me on the head!”
They apologize and keep driving. They meet a boy on the sidewalk who’s
laughing hysterically. They ask him, “Kid, what’s so funny?” The boy replies, “I
sneezed and a house blew up!”
Flight fifty has a pretty rough time above the ocean. Suddenly a voice comes
over the intercom: “Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts and
assume crash positions. We have lost our engines and we are trying to put this
baby as gentle as possible down on the water”.
“Oh stewardess! Are there any sharks in the ocean below?” asks a little old
lady, terrified.
“Yes, I’m afraid there are some. But not to worry, we have a special gel in
the bottle next to your chair designed especially for emergencies like this.
Just rub the gel onto your arms and legs”.
“And if I do this, the sharks won’t eat me any more?” asks the little lady.
“Oh, they will eat you all right, only they won’t enjoy it so much”.
If you do some acrobatics
with a little mathematics
it will take you far along.
If your idea’s not defensible
don’t make it comprehensible
or folks will find you out,
and your work will draw attention
if you only fail to mention
what the whole thing is about.
Your must talk of GNP
and of elasticity
of rates of substitution
and undeterminate solution
and oligonopopsony.
Q: How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 50. One to screw in the lightbulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.
You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on,
wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, “We aren’t in, leave
a message.” That’s why I’ve decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to
you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long
answering machine message when you call me…
Q: what is the difference between Bill Gates and a viberator?
A: A viberator is an artificial dick!
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of
a mistress.
The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of
being discovered….
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce,
bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.
The computer scientist says, “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to
me. My wife thinks I’m with my mistress. My mistress thinks I’m home with
my wife. And I can spend all night on the computer!”
Q: What’s the difference between mathematics and economics?
A: Mathematics is incomprehensible; economics just doesn’t make any sense.
Throw away documentation and manuals,
and users will be a hundred times happier.
Throw away privileges and quotas,
and users will do the Right Thing.
Throw away proprietary and site licenses,
and there won’t be any pirating.
If these three aren’t enough,
just stay at your home directory
and let all processes take their course.
4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding
dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.
3. Let’s raise housing starts together.
2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.
1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.