Category: education

In First Grade little Johnnie raises his hand. The teacher asks
what he wants and he says he needs to go to the restroom. He’s
excused and leaves. Five minutes later, he returns and whispers
to the teacher, “I can’t find it.” She gives little Johnnie
directions to the boy’s room. Five minutes later, he is back and
tells the teacher, “I still can’t find it. The teacher sends
Eddie with little Johnnie. When they return, the teacher asks
Eddie if they found it. Eddie says, “We found it this time. He
had his pants on backward.”

One day there was a little boy sitting down playing with his new
train set while his mother was fixing dinner. The mother, busy
fixing dinner was not really paying any attention to what her
son was saying so as she started to tune in to him she heard”
choo! choo! all you motherfuckers who wanna get on thr train get
on and to all you motherfuckers who wanna get off the train get
off.The mother scolded and put the little boy in timeout for an
hour and told him to think about what he had done. When the hour
was up the little boy decided that he was ready to play with his
train again so he started “choo! choo! all you ladies and
gentlemen who wanna get on the train get on and all you ladies
and gentlemen who wanna get off the train get off and for those
of you wondering about the one hour delay talk to the bitch in
the kitchen.”

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers. “Yes,” he said.
“I do. My father taught me.”

“Good. What comes after three.”

“Four,” answers the boy.

“What comes after six?”

“Seven.”

“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after
ten?”

“A jack,” says the kid.

Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to
launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military
jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions
with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.
British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it
on the windshields of their new high speed trains.

Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the
engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurled out of the
barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to
smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the
engineer’s backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall
of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the
experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged
the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA’s response was just one sentence, “Thaw the chicken.”

One day the teacher asked the second grade class that if they
had one square foot of land what would they grow and why did
they think they could make money?

Jessica raised her hand, “I would grow apples.” The teacher
asked, “Why would you grow apples, Jessica?” “Because I could
sell apples, sell apple juice, and feed myself.” “Very good.”
The teacher replied.

Tommy raised his hand next, “I would grow oranges because I
could sell the oranges, sell orange juice, and feed myself.”
“Excellent, Tommy.” The teacher praised him.

Little Johnny raised his hand, “I would definitely grow hair.”
The teacher was a little puzzled, “How could you make money by
growing hair?” Little Johnny replied, “I don’t know, but my
sister only has a triangle of hair, and she makes a lot of
money!”

A young man goes off to college, but about a third of the way through the
semester, he has foolishly squandered what money his parents gave him.
“Hmm,” he wonders, “How am I gonna get more dough?” Then he gets an idea.
He calls his father.

“Dad,” he says, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education are
coming up with! Why, they actually have a program here that will teach
Fido how to talk!”

“That’s absolutely amazing!” his father says. “How do I get him in that
program?”

“Just send him down here with $1000,” the boy says, “I’ll get him into the
course.”

So, his father sends the dog and the $1000. About two-thirds of the way
through the semester, the money runs out. The boy calls his father again.

“So how’s Fido doing, son?” his father asks.

“Awesome, dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t
believe this. They’ve had such good results with this program, that
they’ve implemented a new one to teach the animals to read!”

“READ!?” says his father, “No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in
that program?”

“Just send $2,500, I’ll get him in the class.” So his father sends the
money.

At the end of the semester, the boy has a problem. When he gets home, his
father will find out that the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots
the dog. When he gets home, his father is all excited. “Where’s Fido? I
just can’t wait to hear him talk and listen to him read something!”

“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some grim news. This morning when I got out
of the shower, Fido was in the living room kicked back in the recliner,
reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and
asked, ‘So, is your daddy still messin around with that little redhead who
lives on Oak Street?'”

The father yells, “Oh, shit! I hope you SHOT that lyin’ son-of-a-bitch!!!”

“Sure did, Dad!”

“That’s my boy!!!”

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw
some rabbit shit. One of the boys said, “What is that?”

“They’re smart pills,” said the other boy. “Eat them and
they’ll make you smarter.”

So the boy ate them and said, “These taste like shit!”

“See,” said the other boy, “you’re already getting smarter.”

once there was a blonde at school and she was in math class and
the teacher asked her a question bridgette what is 2+2.She just
sat there for a while. um she said i think it is 7. all the kids
looked at her. the teacher said no that is wrong. um she said 2.
once again the kids looked at her. no the teacher said.
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i donno. the teacher said you better think
about the answer all day and tell me the answer tommrow ok she
said.

THE NEXT DAY…………
well the teacher said what is the answer she just sat there she
did not know the answer for the rest of her life…….

A fourth grade class was doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks
Tommy if he can spell ‘before’. He stands up and says, “Before,
B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No thats wrong, can anyone else spell
‘before’?” Suzie stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the
teacher says, “No thats wrong,” The teacher asks, “John, can you spell
‘before’?” John stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-R-E.” The teacher
says, “Excellent John. Now, can you use it in a sentence?” John says, “Yes
ma’am. Two plus two be fore.”

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of
work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile,
gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep out
the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here,
give me the broom. I’ll show you how.”

Johnny is sitting in class and blurts out “God damn!” The teacher replied
in a shocking look and says, “Johnny!”

Five minutes later he again blurts out, “God damn!” The teacher again
says, “Johnny!”

Five minutes later Johnny says, “God damn!” The teacher says, “Johnny out
in the hall, now!” The teacher looks at Johnny and says, “Johnny, what’s
your problem?” Johnny starts out saying, “On the way to school the other
day I saw two horses fucking.” The teacher say, “Well Johnny, horses have
to reproduce just like humans.” Johnny say, “I know, but I kept walking
and saw two cows fucking.” The teacher again says, “Cows have to reproduce
just like humans.” Then Johnny says, “I know, but I kept walking and saw
two rabbits fucking.” The teacher again says, “Rabbits have to reproduce
just like humans.” Johnny says, “I know, but I was thinking if I was hung
like a horse, balls like a bull, and fuck like a jack rabbit.” The teacher
says, “God damn!”

there was a wee boy who owend a hot dog stall at the bottom of
the twin towers and then he seen a jumbo flying into the 1st twin
tower and then about five minutes later he seen an other one
hiting the second twin tower and the we boy said”WHO ORDERED THE
TWO JUMBOS”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????.