Category: education

This is was actually true………….

There was once a girl named ‘Rebecca’ who asked this other girl
‘Sophie’ a question….

And this is how it goes:

Rebecca: Sophie, are you a vegetarian?
Sophie: Of course not……..because I’m an Austalian!!

One Friday afternoon little Johnny was sitting in his classroom
waiting for the beel to ring when the teacher said “Alright
class now comes the question of the week. Whoever can answer
this will get to go home early. The question is… What color
is the sky?”
One little kid raises his hand and says “Blue”
“No i’m sorry,thats not it”
Another kid says “Grey”
“Sorry thats not it either”
Another kid says “It blue and grey”
“Thats not it either. Well if no one else has an answer, its
black”
When little johnny got home he thought to himself “Man i wish i
could get that so i could get out of school” so he thought of a
plan the whole next week.
Next friday the teacher said”ok it time for the question of the
week.”
Just then little Johnny rolled two black balls to the front of
the classroom.
The teacher said “Alright, who’s the comedian with the black
balls?”
Little Johnny raises his hand and says “Chris Rock,see you
monday”

Here are some twisted jokes, try to find the meaning of them
(answers are below)

1. Why can’t an American photographer take a picture of an Asian
with a hat?
2. How many birthdays does the average man have?
3. What’s the next letter in the series?: W T N _?
4. A boy and his father are driving home. They have to cross
some train tracks. That day the stop lights for the tracks were
broke and they didn’t know a train was coming. A train hit
them. They were rushed to the hospital where the father died.
The son had to have immediate surgery. The surgeon took one look
at the boy and said “I can’t operate on him because he’s my
son!” how can that be?
5. Before you go into the bathroom you’re American. When you’re
in the bathroom, what are you?

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Answers:
1. You need a camera to take a picture, not a hat!
2. Most people have only one birth day.
3. It’s WTNL (What’s The Next LETTER)
4. The surgeon was his mother.
5. European (you’re a peeing!) 🙂

A university Maths professor had to compose an exam to give his students
at the end of the year. He was a bit lazy, so he set the following exam:

———-
“Compose a math examination suitable for students to sit, and
solve all questions giving suitable examples.”
———-

That was all.

He handed out the exam to his students and gave them three hours to
complete it. However, after just a couple of minutes one student stood up,
handed in his paper and left the room.

That student got an “A”. But how?

Well, here’s what the student wrote:

MATHS EXAM

Question 1.

Compose a math examination suitable for students to sit, and solve all
questions giving suitable examples.

Correct Answer:

Compose a math examination suitable for students to sit, and solve all
questions giving suitable examples.

End.

He figured that if that exam was good enough for a university professor to
set his students, it was certainly good enough to use as an example!

In the future, the professor banned that specific answer from the exams.

I haven’t tried all these but I have some friends who have and
they said it was really fun so….here are 20 things to say when
people dialed the wrong number or when annoying salespeople call.

1. Say in a very very saddened voice that the person they were
calling for just died (example: I’m so sorry Barbra died *sniff*
please call back later to know where and when the funeral is.
NOTE: this one’s really funny when either they’re 1 a
salesperson or 2 they argue back saying that you’re lying)

2. If you have a bunch of friends over tell them to make humping
sounds and say that the person they want is “busy.”

3.Start crying and say, “After all we’ve been through you still
can’t get my name right?” than just hang up and see if they call
back (if they do try talkin in accents (example: Chinese,
indian, whatever)

4. three words: low self esteem.

5. talk in gibberish and than say “You get any of that?” than
immediatly hang up.

6. When they call say “It’s about time you called, the money’s
in the cookie jar which is burried by the rose.” (you know what
to do, yes hang up)

7.Tell them your “secrets” whether they have the wrong number or
not.

8. one word: gossip

9.Say cheesy pick up lines (whether it’s the opposite sex or
not) example. “Hey, is that a miror in your pants? because I can
see me in them”

10. Tell them to wait. make them wait for 5 minutes while you
threaten people in the same room with your :sixth finger”.

11. Tell them to call another time because your cat is looking
real sexy, and it will only be a quickie so call back soon.

12. two words: eat food.

13. Tell them that you love them even though you have a girl/boy
friend. explain in detail about your undying love for them.

14. If they have already cought their mistake of dialing the
wrong number say, “No! not this time (make it seem really
dramatic, I’m talking spanish soap opera dramatic), you can’t
always run away from your problems!” go on until they hang up.

15. Ask them about their family. Ask them a whole bunch of
questions.” when they’re half way through their sentence
interupt by telling them that no one cares.

16. one word: why?

17. Tell them about your problems whether you have any or not.

18. Ask them if they’re into dirty talk.

19. Threaten to call the police.

20. Ask them if they are into that whole dressing up as a lady
(this only works if it’s a guy who got the wrong number)

he he, I didn’t copy and paste any of this stuff, all this stuff
was made by me, Eleanor

16.

This is a true story. There was a student who had not been doing
very well in calculus, and he needed an extremely good grade on
the finals to pass the course. The finals took place in a huge
lecture hall, and there were about 1000 students taking the test
at the same time. The teacher supervising the students to make
sure nobody cheated was not very well liked. He had a bad
temper, and he always had an annoyed expression on his face.
This particular student did not do very well on tests when he
was being rushed, and the mean professor was up there screaming
out how much time they had left, and pacing the lecture hall
like a madman, glancing at everyone’s paper as he walked by.
Naturally, this bothered the student, and he was doing a rather
bad job on the test.

When the teacher screamed that time was up, he kept working. The
teacher didn’t bother to stop him after all of the other
students had left. He just sat at the desk at the back of the
lecture hall neatly stacking the test papers. Finally, an hour
later, the student finished. He walked up to the desk, which had
3 piles of test papers on it, each very neatly stacked, and
about 3 feet tall. The student handed the teacher his paper. The
teacher said, “Sorry, you’re an hour late. You have failed both
the test and the course. You must repeat it.” The student asked,
“Do you know who I am?” To which the professor responded “No,
and I don’t care either.” The student said, “I didn’t think so.”
and with those words, lifted one of the stacks halfway, shoved
his paper in, and dropped the rest of the stack on it, leaving
it perfectly stacked as it had been before. He then walked out
of the lecture hall.

A mother and daughter were riding in a cab through New York City
when the daughter noticed some scantily clad women loitering on
a street corner. “Mommy,” the little girl asked, “what are all
those ladies doing?”

“They’re waiting for their husbands to come home from work,” the
mother replied.

“C’mon, lady,” the cabbie interjected, “tell her the truth.
They’re hookers!”

After a stunned silence, the daughter piped up, “Mommy, do
hookers have children?”

“Of course,” the mother replied. “Where do you think cabbies
came from?”

Tom went to an elementary school and every Friday his teacher
would ask the class a question. If the question was answered
correctly the student who answered it would miss school on
Monday.

On the first Friday the teacher asked, “How many stars are there
in the sky?” everyone was baffled. Tom sighed. The following
Friday the teacher asked how many grains of sand are on the
beaches. None knew the answer.

Tom was frustrated. he wanted to miss school on Monday really
bad! He had a plan. He got to ping pong balls and painted them
black. The following Friday just as the teacher was about to ask
the question, Tom threw the balls the. The teacher wondered and
asked, “Ok who’s the comedian with black balls??” Tom answered,
“Bill Cosby, see ya on Tuesday!!!”

One day a new girl came to Mrs. Andrew’s class. At recess, a boy
came up to her and asked her name.
“My name is Happybutt,” she answered.
“You’re lying! I’m telling Mrs. Andrew!” he said. A moment
later he returned, with the teacher by his side.
“What’s your name?” the teacher asked sweetly.
“My name is Happybutt,” the girl replied.
“We’ll see what the principal thinks about that!” said Mrs.
Andrew, and grabbing the girl by the wrist, led her to the
principal’s office.
“What’s your name?” asked the principal.
“My name is Happybutt,” the girl said again.
“We’ll see what your mother thinks of that!” he said, and
dialed the number on the phone. “What’s your daughter’s real
name?” he asked her.
“Gladass,” the mother replied.
“She’s been saying her name’s Happybutt,” the principal
told the mother.
“She gets a little confused sometimes,” the mother
answered. “You know, Happy Butt, Glad Ass, same thing.”

-Sorry For The Spelling_

!~~Parody of the weird hi ho song~~!

hi ho hi ho it’s off stealing i go, gonna get me a truck ,and
run over that duck hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho!

hi ho hi ho it’s off to the store i go gonna buy some beer,
it’s over here hi ho hi ho hi ho!

hi ho hi ho it’s off to poo i go ,i gotta crap, my legs just
snaped hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

hi ho hi ho shaving my arm pits i go ,i got a cut your’e next
mut hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

hi ho hi ho it’s off to home I go gonna watch tv now i gotta pee
hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

hi ho hi ho its off to school i go let’s learn some stuff and
kill people who are tuff hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

hi ho hi ho it’s off to a fight i go with a very big chain lets
give some pain hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho!

hi ho hi ho ,it’s off to war i go with a very big gun and we’ll
have lots of fun hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

hi ho hi ho it’s of to work i go with a naked babe on roller
blades hi ho hi ho hi ho hi ho

Answers appear after the questions… NO CHEATING!!!

1. The maker doesn’t want it; the buyer doesn’t use it; and the
user doesn’t see it. What is it?

2. A child is born in Boston, Massachusetts to parents who were
both born in Boston, Massachusetts. The child is not a United
States citizen. How is this possible?

3. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest
mountain on Earth?

4. Clara Clatter was born on December 27th, yet her birthday is
always in the summer. How is this possible?

5. Captain Frank and some of the boys were exchanging old war
stories. Art Bragg offered one about how his grandfather led a
battalion against a German division during World War I. Through
brilliant maneuvers, he defeated them and captured valuable
territory. After the battle he was presented with a sword
bearing the inscription “To Captain Bragg for Bravery, Daring
and Leadership. World War I. From the Men of Battalion 8.”
Captain Frank looked at Art and said, “You really don’t expect
anyone to believe that yarn, do you?” What’s wrong with the
story?

6. What is one thing that all wise men, regardless of their
religion or politics, agree is between heaven and earth?

7. In what year did Christmas and New Year’s fall in the same
year?

8. A woman from New York married ten different men from that
city, yet she did not break any laws. None of these men died,
and she never divorced. How was this possible?

9. Why are 1990 American dollar bills worth more than 1989
American dollar bills?

10. How many times can you subtract the number 5 from 25?

11. How could you rearrange the letters in the words “new door”
to make one word? Note: There is only one correct answer.

12. Even if they are starving, natives living in the Arctic will
never eat a penguin’s egg. Why not?

13. Which is correct to say, “The yolk of the egg are white” or
“The yolk of the egg is white”?

14. In Okmulgee, Oklahoma, you cannot take a picture of a man
with a wooden leg. Why not?

15. There were an electrician and a plumber waiting in line for
admission to the International Home Show,” One of them was the
father of the other’s son. How could this be possible?

16. After the new Canon Law that took effect on November 27,
1983, would a Roman Catholic man be allowed to marry his widow’s
sister?

17. How many outs are there in an inning?

18. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the Ark?

19. A clerk in the butcher shop is 5′ 10″ tall. What does he
weigh?

20. A farmer has 17 sheep and all but 9 die. How many are left?

ANSWERS

1. A coffin.

2. The child was born before 1776.

3. Mount Everest (it just hadn’t been discovered).

4. Clara lives in the southern hemisphere.

5. World War I wasn’t called “World War I” until World War II.

6. The word “and”.

7. They fall in the same year every year. New Year’s Day
justarrives very early in the year and Christmas arrives very
late in the same year.

8. The lady was a Justice of the Peace.

9. One thousand nine hundred and ninety dollar bills are worth
one dollar more than one thousand nine hundred and eighty-nine
dollar bills.

10. Only once, and then you are subtracting it from 20.

11. “one word”

12. Penguins live in the Antarctic.

13. Neither. The yolk of the egg is yellow.

14. You have to take a picture of a man with a camera, not with
a wooden leg.

15. They were husband and wife.

16. No. A dead man can marry no one.

17. Six . Three in each half of the inning.

18. Moses took no animals. It was Noah on the Ark.

19. Meat.

20. Nine.

y do ga stations lock up their bathrooms? r they afiad sum1
will clean them?!