Category: education

Lil’ Johnny goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” Dad
says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I’m the
breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Mommy is
the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the
Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call
you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class.
Your baby brother, we’ll call him The Future. Now go think about
this and see if it makes sense.”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has
said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and
runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.
So the little boy goes to his parents’ room. Mom is sound
asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room.
Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees
his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to
bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I
think I understand what politics is now.”

“Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the
Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are
being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.”

A young man goes off to collage and his parents are concerned
about him because he’s always been a slacker and his speech is
very slow. All of this is caused from drugs. His mother told him
the day he left, “Honey we know for a fact that you won’t always
be in school but your father and I will always help you with
whatever you need.”

So the son said ok and his dad then told him, “Son we know
you’re slow with words so just send us a picture of what you
need and we will help you get it.” The son said okay and goes to
collage. A week letter his parents get a letter from him. They
open the envelope and saw a picture of him having sex with a
prostitute with a note enclosed that said, “Collage is great!
Send more money. Love, your son.”

A first grade teacher was a die-hard Colorado Avalanche fan. She
told the class to raise their hands if they were true Avalanche
fans like her. The children, not knowing what an Avalanche fan
was, raised their hands. They too wanted to be just like the
teacher, all except one little girl. She did not raise her hand.

The teacher approached her and asked, “Why aren’t you an
Avalanche fan? They are the best team and I love them.” The
little girl responded, “I’m a Detroit Red Wings fan.” The
teacher asked, “Why are you a Wings fan?” The little girl said,
“Well, my parents are Wings fans.”

The teacher, getting upset at this point, stated, “Just because
your parents are Wings fans doesn’t make you one. What if your
dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make
you?” The little girl thought for a moment and said, “Well, that
would make me an Avalanche fan.”

Once there was a boy named Henry Humper Harder. It was the first
day of school. His parents (Mr. and Mrs. Harder) were coming to
visit him in his class to see how he was getting along with all
the other kids. When the teacher was done teaching the math
lesson, she said, “Are there any questions?” Henry H. Harder
said, “Teacher, will you take off your blouse for me?” “Well,
alright.” said the teacher. Later, Henry H. Harder asked,”
Teacher, will you take off your shirt for me?” “Well, okay. But
this is the last time I will do this.” said the teacher.

Later, Henry H. Harder asked yet ANOTHER question. “Teacher,” he
asked, “will you strip off the rest of your clothes for me?”
“Argh! Okay, But this is the last time!” So when she was all
naked, Henry H. Harder started humping her ALOT! Then his
parents finally arrived. When they saw what he was doing, they
screamed his name in anger, “Henry Humper Harder!” He replied,
“I’m trying!”

A student at Baylor University named Jesse was taking one of the
hardest psychology teachers on campus. Throughout the semester
he was not doing so well on his exams and papers. It came time
for finals and he studied very hard for that class knowing that
it would be a one question test. During the year they talked
about a number of differnet things like why people act the way
they do and how to change that. What actions are taken in what
situtations and so on. To recieve a good grade on the test the
student had to write everything they knew on the test subject.
The day came for the test and the students, especially Jesse,
were very nervous. The teacher came in and wrote on the board
the question:

What is it to Be Courageous?

All of the students started writing frantically. Jesse sat there
for a while and simply wrote in his blue book:

This is being courageous.

Jesse recieved the only A in the class.

Next time your in class bored out of your tree….

1. Say out loud “Does anyone have any grey poupon?”

2. Make animal noises

3. Sit on your desk and put your books on your chair. Try to
work like this.

4. Answer the teachers questions with questions.

5. Hide under your desk and say in a panicked voice “They’re
coming!! Everyone hide”. See how many people hide with you.

6. Flip over your chair and sit on it like that for the whole
class.

7. Carefully put small things (like pieces of paper) on the
person in front of you’s head without them noticing.

8. Pull up your shirt and play a well known drum cadence on your
stomach.

9. Pretend someone shot you, fall on the floor and don’t get up
again till class is over.

10. Fake a really loud sneeze. Keep doing this over and over
again for about five minutes.

11. Come to class high or drunk.

12. Fall out of your seat every few minutes and knock your
books, as well as the person next to you’s books on the floor
too as you fall.

13. Walk into class wearing all your clothes backwards, even
wear your bookbag in front of you.

14. Make sock puppets and make them talk to each other. Answer
the teachers questions with them too.

15. Flap your pencil in front of your face, say “hey look!
Rubber pencil!”, and act like it was the coolest thing you’ve
ever seen.

Lesson Number One:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small
rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and
do nothing all day long?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.”

So, the Rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All
of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting very, very high up.

*************************

Lesson Number Two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to
get to the top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, “but I haven’t
got the energy.”

“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied
the bull.

“They’re packed with nutrients.” The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to
reach the first branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree. Soon, he was promptly spotted by a
farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it
won’t keep you there.

*************************

Lesson Number Three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold,
the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it
was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As
the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to
realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile
of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!

The morals of this story are:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3) And when you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut

Students at a New England university operated a “bank” of term papers and
other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs.

The “bank” had A grade, B grade, and C grade papers, since it would be
rather suspicious if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a
brilliant essay.

A student, who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his
assignment, went to the “bank” and purchased a paper with an inconspicuous
C grade. He then retyped it and handed in the work to his professor. In
due course, the student received the paper back with the professor’s
comments, which read… “I wrote this paper myself 25 years ago and I
always thought it should have been graded an A, so now I’m more than
pleased to give it one!”

Little Johnny wasn’t getting good marks in school and one day he
tapped his teacher on the shoulder and said, “I don’t want to
scare you, but my daddy says if I don’t get better grades,
somebody is going to get a spanking….”

Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his
father didn’t punish him?”

Johnny: “Because George still had the axe in his hand.”

A blonde was being a substitute teacher for her friend. She
figured that it would be best if she wrote everything on the
board for the kids, so it would be easier for them to understand.

During math class she said to the class, “Ok class, it is time
for your math test. I will write the problems for the test on
the board.” So she did it, and they took the test.

Later in science she said to the class, “I will write the
questions to your science assignment on the board.” So she did
and they took the test.

Then later in spelling, she said to the class, “Class, I will
write the words for your spelling test on the board.”

there was a girl that had everything in her life go wrong. Her
hair was red, her cheeks were freckly, and she was ugly. She
always tripped, she always fell over cordless phones, and she
had no friends. They thought she was a jynx. Everybody made fun
of her.
Until one day, her mom was in the car going to her
graduation of high school, and the car broke down. Suddenly,
everyone clapped,as she walked late to get her diploma and she
said: “that’s my life” and the song to it came on. (hey i’m only
12, gimme a break)