Shhhh!

The spark had been lost in this guy’s marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it.

One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed.

He thought to himself, “What should I do?”

He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure.

After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed.

Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

When he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife there shaving her legs.

He exclaimed, “What are you doing in here?”

She said, “Shhhh!” pointing at the bed, “You’ll wake your mother.”

Submitted by bennto
Edited by Curtis

Two guys camping

These two guys go camping, and after two weeks, decide they need a break from each other. So they decide to split up for a few days, and meet up back at the campsite.When they return, the first guy says, “I had the most wonderful time! I hiked for a few miles, and found a beautiful little stream in a valley. There was a little deer, drinking out of the stream.it was wonderful! I spend the whole three days there.””Well, that’s okay,” says the second guy, “but check _this_ out. I followed some train tracks, and found a gorgeous girl, tied to the tracks! I untied her, and we had the most amazing sex, for three days, in every imaginable position!””Wow!” says the first guy, envious. “Did she give you oral sex?””No,” says the second guy. “I couldn’t find her head.”

They are in the shower

A salesman rang the doorbell and little Johnny answered. The salesman asked if his father was at home.
Johnny said, “Yes.”
The salesman said, “Well, can I see him please?”
Johnny snickered and said, “No, he is in the shower.”
Then the salesman asked if his mother was at home.
Johnny said, “Yes.”
The salesman said, “Well can I see her?”
Johnny snickered again and said, “No, she’s in the shower too.”
The salesman then asked, “Do you think they will be out soon?”
Johnny laughed this time and said “No.”
The salesman asked, “Why?”
“Well”, Johnny said, “when my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him some Super Glue.”

Sex Pills

There once was a man who could not keep it going with his wife.He went to the doctor who gave him some sex pills. There was a label on the bottle that said “Take one pill for a great night.” The man thought that he wanted a stupendous night so he downed the whole bottle.In the morning the neighbors came over to find the man’s son sitting on the porch crying.”What’s wrong?” they said. The boy replied, “Mom’s dead, sister’s pregnant, my butt hurts and dad’s in the basement yelling ‘here kitty”

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the…

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive
blonde lady comes in and want to bet $10,000 on a single roll of the dice.

And she adds, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m
completely nude.”

With that she takes off everything but her necklace and rolls the dice while
yelling, “Mama needs new clothes.” Then she yells, “Yes, yes, yes!! I won,
I won, I won.”

She begins jumping up and down and hugging both of the dealers. Then she
picks up her money and her clothes and quickly leaves. The dealers just
stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll, anyway?”

The other answers, “I don’t know. I thought you were watching.”