Category: dirty jokes

A young mother had just given birth to a newborn baby and the nurse was congratulating her when the doctor came in bouncing the baby from hand to hand like a basketball.

“Here’s your baby, maam” says the doctor.

The doctor then throws the baby on the floor, hurls it up against the wall, picks it up and twirls it around several times, and then drop kicks it straight out of the 10th floor window.

Totally bewildered, the woman gives out a loud shriek and hollers, “My God!!! What have you done to my baby?!?!!!”

The doctor chuckles a little to himself and says, “April Fools!!!
He was already dead!”

This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He
calls the bartender over and says, “I’d like to buy those two ladies a
drink.”

The bartender replies, “It won’t do you any good.”

The man, with a confused look on his face says, “It doesn’t matter, I want to
buy those women a drink.”

The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge
the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man
approaches the women and says, “I’d like to buy you two another drink.”

The women both reply, “It won’t do you any good.”

The man says, “I don’t understand. What do you mean it won’t do me any
good?”

The first lady says, “We’re lesbians.”

The man replies, “Lesbians? What are lesbians?”

The second woman replies, “Lesbians… We like to lick pussys.”

The man says, “Bartender, three beers for us lesbians.”

there was one a boy who in school went to the bathroom and zipped up his pants and his penis got stuck so then it turned green. Then this girl goes up to him and askes him can i play with ur little green thing and the boy goes sure why dont u come to my house and bring some robots cause i have some barbies and we can play with so then the girl goes to his house and hes tired so he then lays on the bed and falls asleep and the girl goes to the bathroom and the boy then wakes up in a hospital and he askes how come im here and the girl say your little green thing threw up on me so i cut it off.

What’s the difference between a bull and a cow?

A bull smiles when you milk it.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

“What do you call a dog that humps you 24-7″A rout around the week dog

One day a teacher told her english class to name a verb. One stood up and said “Masterbate.”

Q. What’s the difference between a blimp and 365 blow jobs?
A. One is a goodyear, and the other is a great year!

what do you call 2 irish gay men?
patrick fitzsimon and simon fitzpatrick.

Did you hear about the guy that entered his dog at Crufts?

He got 16 months.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Afghanistan as part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, the captain asked for questions.Our intrepid soldier raised his hand and asked, “If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?””Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and scatter oneself over a wide area.”

Bush got a coded message from Saddam.
It read: 370HSSV-0773H

Bush was stumped and sent for the CIA. The CIA was stumped too, so it went to the NSA.

The NSA couldn’t solve it either, so they asked Bill Clinton.

He suggested turning the message upside down …

What are those little bumps around women’s nipples?

– It’s Braile for “suck here”.