what is the difference between the sky & panties?
sky covers the WHOLE UNIVERSE,panties cover the UNIVERSAL HOLE!!!
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what is the difference between the sky & panties?
sky covers the WHOLE UNIVERSE,panties cover the UNIVERSAL HOLE!!!
Underneath every successful man there is a woman.
The father of 17 kids goes to the doc’s with a rash on his belly.”All right” says the Doc, “drop ’em and let’s have a look.”Having been confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims “Yes, you’ve got a bad rash there, but my word, what brown balls you’ve got. They’re truly remarkable!”.The patient is a bit embarrassed and says “Look Doc, what about the rash?””Oh that’s easy,” said the Doc, “Here’s some cream to rub on. By the way, those brown balls are amazing, my I ask…..””No,” said the patient, “You can’t. Now, is that all Doc?””Well, ” said the Doctor, ” You could stop the rash coming back with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants every day, and those really are the brownest balls I’ve ever seen!”The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs clean underpants every day.”What?”she yells, “Clean underpants every day, and me with 17 kids to chase after! Seventeen kids to wash, feed, clothe, get to school, tidy after, and you want clean underpants every day? You must be bloody joking, I haven’t even got time to wipe my arse!””Ah” he said, “And that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about…”
He says, “Come on, babe, let’s go in the alleyway and get it on. I’ve got fifteen bucks.”She says, “FIFTEEN bucks? You’re crazy. For fifteen bucks, I’ll let you LOOK at it.”They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can’t see anything, because it’s too dark, so he gets out his lighter.He lights his lighter, and he says, “My God, your pubic hair… it’s so curly and thick… it’s BEAUTIFUL.”She says, “Thank you.”He says, “You mind if I ask you a personal question?”She says, “Go ahead.”He says, “Can you PEE through all that hair?”She says, “Of course.”He says, “Well, you better start. You’re on fire.”
A playboy, out for pleasure one evening, picked-up a well-dressed young lady at a bar and took her to his apartment. She appeared well-to-do, chic, and very intelligent.Thinking to make an impression, Mr. Playboy showed her some etchings, first editions, etc. He then offered her some wine, asking whether she preferred sherry or port.”Oh, sherry by all means!” she replied.”Sherry is like the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in this crystal-like decanter fills me with the anticipation of a heavenly thrill. When the stopper is removed and the beautiful liquid is poured into the glass and I inhale the delicious tangy aroma, I’m lifted on the wings of ecstasy. As I taste the magic potion, my whole being thrills and glows, it seems like a thousand violins throb in my ears, and I’m carried into another world.””Port, on the other hand, makes me fart.”
Two boys show up at the local drugstore.
One is 12 years old and the other is 6. The older boy orders some Tampax for his little brother.
“You must be a little mixed up,” the clerk says, “don’t you want it for your mother?”
The kid keeps insisting he wants it for his brother and says, “I saw on TV if you wear Tampax you can ride a bicycle and go swimming…he can’t do any of those things now.”
two russian women swimmers talking one says to the other i will have to stop taking steroids why says the other i am starting to grow hair in some unusual places says first swimmer in what unusual places asks the second swimmer on my balls replies the first.
Nine signs you are on a No Frill Airline1. You can’t board the plane unless you have the exact change.2. Before you take off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.3. The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.4. When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.5. The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.6. You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, “Just once.”7. No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.8. You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.9. All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.
A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in L.A. He’s stopped in traffic and thinks, “Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual; we’re not even moving.” He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars, so he rolls down his window and says, “Excuse me, officer, what’s the hold-up?” “O.J. just found out the verdict, and he’s all depressed. He’s lying down in the middle of the highway and he’s threatening to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire. He just doesn’t have $8.5 million for the Goldmans. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him.” The man says, “Oh really, how much have you collected so far.” The officer replies, “So far, ten gallons.”
A sexy lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, “He isn’t here but I can do anything the manger can do for you.”By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth and is letting him suck on her fingers. She says, “You’re sure he isn’t here?”The bartender says, “Yes, I’m very sure.”The lady says, “Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”
Q: Whats better than winning the Gold Medal in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being fuckin Retarded
3 nurses go into the morgue, and there’s a dead man’s body lying there, with an erection.
The first nurse sees it, and says “I’m gagging for it”, gets atop the man and has her way with it.
The second nurse says “Aye, so am I, shame to let it go to waste”, and she does the same.
They turn to the 3rd nurse and ask her if she is having a go. She replies she is having her period, and declines. One of the nurses reply “He’s dead anyway, he’ll no bother”. The last nurse agrees with this, gets on and does her thing too.
Just after she finishes, the dead man sits up. The nurses ask him “We thought you were dead!”, and the man replies,
“After two jump starts and a blood transfusion, you wouldn’t be dead either!”.