Category: dirty jokes

Then there was the little girl who hung around the boys Frisbee team at school.
Anytime the Frisbee would get stuck in a tree, she would climb up the tree
and retrieve it.

That evening, her mom asked her what she had done in school, “I had lots of
fun”, she said, “Everytime the Frisbee got stuck in a tree, I climbed up
to get it.”

Her mom was shocked. “Don’t do that anymore!” she warned, “The boys
throw the Frisbee into the trees so they can see your underware when you
climb.”

The next day, the mom again asked how school had gone.

The little girl said “I had fun again. I hung around the team, and
climbed the trees when the Frisbees got stuck. But don’t worry, I didn’t
want the boys to see my underware, so I didn’t wear any!”

Q. What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A. Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Have you heard the elections in South East Asia have all been cancelled.

Some problem with floating voters they said.

this is the best song ever.

On top of mount everest, all covered in chesse
i shot my poor sister, with a red rubber band.
i shot her with glory, i shot her with pride.

how could i have missed her, shes fifty-feet wide.

i went to her funeral, i went to her grave.
some people threw flowers, i threw a granade.

i opened her coffin, she didnt look dead.
so i took a bazooca, a blew off her head!!!!

Why did Helen Keller go insane?

She tried to read a stucco wall.

A duck hunter killed four ducks. He put them into his bag and began to walk home.

The game warden stopped him and said, “So, your a duck hunter?”

“Yes sir, I am”

The warden sticks his thumb up the first duck’s ass and says, ” This duck is from New York, do you have a New York hunting licence?”

The hunter replies, “Yes I do.” and he shows it.

The warden checks the other ducks, the same way, and says, “My, my, you have ducks from NY, VT, CT and NH! Where are you from?”

The hunter turns around, bends over and pulls down his pants, and says, “I don’t know…why don’t you tell me?”

What do you do if an Iraqi with half a head comes running at you? Stop laughing and reload!

Two sailors and a nun are stranded on a desert island.After spending one one month on the island with the sailors the nun is so disgusted with their behaviour she commits suicide, after another month the sailors are so disgusted with their behaviour they bury her, after another month the sailors are so disgusted with their behaviour they dig her back up again.

Did you hear about the guy that entered his dog at Crufts?

He got 16 months.

you mamma so dum she sucks dick for living

An American tourist goes on a trip to China.

While there, he is sexually promiscuous and doesn’t use a condom.

A week after arriving home, he finds his penis is covered with bright green spots. Horrified, he goes to see his doctor.

Days later the doctor calls and says, “I’ve got bad news. You’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare. We know little about it. We have to amputate your penis.”

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring he’ll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines him and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD.”

“What can you do?” asks the man. “My American doctor wants to amputate!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs, “Stupid American doctors always want to operate. Make more money that way. No need to operate!”

“Oh, thank God!” the man replies.

“Yes!” says the Chinese doctor. “You no worry! Wait two weeks. Dick fall off by itself!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Two women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream.

Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place.

Fortunately they come to a place where they can cross and proceed.

Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other, “I’ve always wanted to be like the guys, and urinate in a stream.”

The other woman looks around and says, “well, I don’t see anyone around, now’s your chance!”

The first woman drops her hiking shorts and squats.

As she begins to urinate, she looks down. “Holly shit!” she exclaims, “I just pissed on a man in a canoe!”

Alarmed, the second woman hurries over, and peeks at the stream. “Calm down,” she says. “That wasn’t a canoe you pissed in, it was only your reflection.”