Category: dirty jokes

Bob lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every morning
to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new (drop dead
gorgeous) neighbor slinked out of her apartment towards him and as she leaned
over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Bob could hardly beleive it, she
wasn’t wearing a thing under her robe. The woman leaned closer to Bob and
said good morning. This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to
Bob that she hadn’t had a man in years. He could hardly keep eye contact when
she said she heard someone coming and that they should go back to her
apartment. They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. What do
you think my best feature is? Bob stuttered and drueled a bit and finally
said “Your ears.”

“What do you mean my ears, look at me. I have round perfect breasts, a nice
tight ass and legs to die for what on earth made you say EARS!!!

“Well,” said Bob “In the hall you said you heard someone coming, that was
me!!!

A couple married forty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman said, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago.”
The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence and they made love like never before.
Back in the car, the guy says, “Darling, you sure never moved like that forty years ago – or any time since that I can remember!”
The woman says, “Forty years ago that fence wasn’t electrified!”

Q: How Do You Confuse Helen Keller?
A: Rearrange All Of The Furniture.

One day a woman who was about 65 years old wanted to get a tatoo. She went to the nearest tatoo parlor and told the man the she wanted one tatoo of Mike Tyson on one thigh and one of Evander Holyfield on the other. The man said to the woman that he wasn’t sure if he could do that, but he would try. So the woman said ok and went to the back with the man. It was a long process. When it was finally finished the woman lifted up her skirt and asked the man, “Does this look like Mike Tyson and does this look like Evander Holyfield?””Not really,” said the man, “But it looks ok.”The woman was very pleased and walked out of the tatoo parlor. When she walked out she asked a younger man if the tatoos on her thighs loked like Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield. The man replied with a yeah sort of. Next the woman saw and older man. She went up to him and lifted up her skirt and asked him, “Does this look like Mike Tyson and does this look like Evander Holyfield?”The man said, “No, but the one in the middle looks like Don King.”

What do a bungee jump and hooker have in common?They’re both fast, cheap, and if the rubber breaks your dead!

What’s the best thing to come out of a penis?

The wrinkles.

Q: What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words to her husband?
A: “You feed the kids – I’ll feed the fish.”

Q: What does NASA stand for?
A1: Need Another Seven Astronauts
A2: Need Another Shuttle Also

Q: Did you know why there was only one black crew member on Challenger?
A: They didn’t know it was going to blow up.

Q: Did you know that NASA has a new space drink?
A: Ocean Spray – It was their second choice because they couldn’t get 7-UP.

Q: On future shuttle missions, why will one of the astronauts have to be a naval officer?
A: So when they decide to use it as an experimental submarine, they’ll have a rated officer onboard.

Q: How many people will fit in a Florida Volkswagen?
A: Four in the seats and seven in the ashtray.

A certain guy had never had sex in his life, so his friend told him
that he’d take him to a girl that would teach him a few things. He
agrees.

Later that week, he’s in a room with the girl. She takes off her
clothes, and asks him, “Do you know what I want?” He says, quite honestly,
“No.”. She lies down on the bed, and asks him the same question again.
Again, he answers “No.”

Now, she’s not sure exactly what to do, so she spreads her legs all the
way;
we’re talking spread-eagle. She asks, “Now do you know what I want?”

He answers, “Yeah. You want the whole fuckin’ bed to yourself.”

Why did Elton John wear a nicotine patch on his penis?

Because he was trying to cut down to one fag a day!

What do you get when you stab a baby in the neck?

Erect

What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? One dead person in ten trashcans

Q: Which part of a vegetable can you not eat?
A: The Wheelchair!