Category: dirty jokes

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the english language is the word “fuck.”” It is the one magical word which by just its sound can describe pain

A Family, a boy and his parents went to a nude beach while they were on holiday.

The little boy was building sandcastles when he noticed some women had bigger boobs than his mum. Confused he went to his mum, “Mummy mummy

On day two budies had no place to stay in. They saw a farm and decided to stay there.They knocked on the door and a elderly scottish man answered.The two budies asked
can they stay over one night.The old scottish man repieid “Yes

a little boy was ridding his bike when an officer on a horse stopped him.
the officer asked:
“little bot did santa give that bike?””
the liitle boy looked up at him and smiled

A guy has been searching through Afghanastan, looking for Osama Bin Laden, until one day he finds him in a cave.

The guy pulls out his gun, and says “Which one do you want me to shoot off first

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.”Well,” said the first one, “I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills.””I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her.””I’ve got you both beat,” said the third.”I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to.”A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons.”Gerald — the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton — the car is useless because I don’t go anywhere because I’m too old. But Robert — you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious.”

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, “7 points!”His wife looked at him and said, “What the hell are you doing?”He simply replied, “Just playing bed football.”Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, “Tie game – 7,7.”The husband’s competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining… when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, “Now what’s the score?”He said, “Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!”

Tiger Woods was teeing up on the first hole of the Open championship, he hit his first shot and it sliced to the right.

His next shot was no better, again he sliced it right.

Feeling disgruntled, he jokingly asked if anyone could prevent him from making the ball go right.

And to his suprise a little old lady pushed her way to the front of the crowd and said she had some magic powder that would stop his shots going right.

Tiger was a bit dubious about this, but thought he would have nothing to lose.

He teed up the ball and the little old lady sprinkled this magic powder onto the ball.

Tiger took his shot and it went 320 yards straight down the middle of the fairway.

Tiger was impressed. He lined up his next shot and again the little old lady sprinkled the magic powder on to his ball.

Again it flew straight as an arrow and finished two feet from the flag.

Tiger was amazed at this and asked the little old lady what the magic powder was.

“It’s Daz,” said the little old lady.

“Daz!?” exclaimed Tiger.

“Yes, Daz,” said the little old lady, “Apparently it stops colors from fading!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Things not to say to young ladies immediately afterwards:

• Now slag off.
• Well that was bloody awful.
• Do you always make that appalling noise?

An army Major visiting the sick soldiers, went to one private and asked, “What’s your problem, Soldier?””Chronic syphilis, Sir.””What treatment are you getting?””Five minutes with the wire brush each day.””What’s your ambition?””To get back to the front, Sir.””Good man,” said the Major.He went to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier?””Chronic piles, Sir.” “What treatment are you getting?””Five minutes with the wire brush each day.””What’s your ambition?””To get back to the front, Sir.””Good man,” barked the Major. He moved to the next bed, “What’s your problem, Soldier?””Chronic gum disease, Sir””What treatment are you getting?””Five minutes with the wire brush each day.””What’s your ambition?””To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir!”

A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots. She downs the first one, “This is for the shame,” and then the second one,” This is for the glory.”

She then orders two more shots. She drinks the first one, “This is for the shame,” and then the second one, “This is for the glory.”

She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her, “Ma’am, I was just wondering…what’s this about shame and glory?”

“Well,” she replies, “I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my great dane mounted me from behind.”

“That must be the shame,” the bartender said.

“No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked up and he dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes.”

The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief Brown has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino.

After a few minutes search, the chief looks down an alley, and there’s Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.

Chief Brown says, “What the hell is going on?”

Olson replies, “Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation.”

The chief says, “Smoke inhalation? You’re supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!”

Olson says, “I did, Chief, but then one thing led to another…”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis