Category: dirty jokes

Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn’t working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men’s Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says: “Dear Mr. Burford… All is forgiven. Just tell us…where is it?”

a man decided to go out fishing. while he was fishing his pole started to yank hard. so the man started wheeling in as fast and hard as he could. he saw the fish and it was pretty big.he said to himself ooo i can take this one home for dinner. then the fish sayed… if u free me i will grant u 3 wishes…BUT!…on your wishes your neighbor will have twice as much. so the man sayed ok…i wish to have a huge beautiful house.BOOM! theres a huge beautiful house house. but he sees his neighbor with two huge beautiful houses…so the man gets kinda jealous but o well. so goes on to his next wish…i wish had a nice red ferrari ok BOOM! there it is but he sees his neighbor with 2 of them! now this guy is really mad and says i wish i wish i had 1 of my testicles removed. ok ..BOOM! then he hears a big scream comming from hi s neighbor i think u get y.

why does michael jackson like 26 yr olds?
because there were 20 of them

Did you hear about the Aggie that was up all night studying for his urinal test?

what do you call a guy with fluff on his ass

There’s this cowboy who arrive in a little town, enters the saloon and screams: “I want a woman, I wanna fuck!” “Welcome” , says the owner, ” We have Rosy the Red who fucks like three witches for only $30.” “She’s wonderful”, says the cowboy ,” but I don’t have so much” “No problem, for $20 Blondie the Blond sucks your cock out of your underwear!” “She’s pretty, but I don’t have so much.””No problem, for $10 Terry the Terrible will keep your cock in her hand ’til morning!” “She’s nice, but I don’t’ have…””How much the fuck you have?””Er…a quarter!” “All right: room 22, upstairs.”The cowboy runs upstairs, opens the door of room 22, and on the bed sees a nice young woman lying with her legs wide open; he jumps on her and begins fucking. After ten minutes he goes downstairs and asks the owner: “I…I think I’ve got a problem.””What about?””Well, you know the young lady in room 22…I was having fun on her, and suddenly she turned her face and threw up a white mass…””Oh, shit! John !”, screams the owner to his butler, ” go change the corpse in room 22: it’s full again!! “

A man and his wife went to the doctor’s office and the doctor asked the man for a blood, urine, and feces sample. The man was slightly deaf and said, ”What?” Again, the doctor said, ”I need a blood, urine and feces sample.”The man still looked puzzled, so his wife leaned over and yelled into his ear: ”Sheldon, the doctor needs a pair of your underwear!”

Question: What does Helen Keller do with the other hand when she masturbates

Answer: Moans

1.everyone looks funny naked
2.did i meantion the video camera
3.please dont smear the makeup
4.you woke me up for that
5.i think we should leave the light on

Three old men were sitting on a porch.”I wish I could take a healthy piss,” said one.”I wish I could take a healthy crap,” said another.”I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon.”

Q. Why doesn’t Barbie have babies?

A. Ken comes in a different box!

Ten ways to annoy the person in the next toilet…1. Grunt and strain really loudly for 30 seconds and then drop a rock melon into the bowl from a height of 2 m. Release a relaxed sigh.2. Fill up a large flask with pumpkin soup. Squirt it erratically under the wall of your neighbor while yelling, ‘Whoa! Easy big boy!’3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.4. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under your neighbor�s wall. Then say, ‘Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?’5. Say, ‘C’mon Mr Happy, don’t fall asleep on me!’6. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall where the person in the next stall can see it.7. Say, ‘Damn, this water’s cold.’8. Say, ‘Hmm, I’ve never seen that color before.’9. Say, ‘Interesting… more floaters than sinkers.’10. Drop a marble and say, ‘Oh shit, my glass eye.’