Category: dirty jokes

A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks, “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 90 students raise their hands.

“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 40 students raise their hands.

“That’s really good. I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.

“That’s a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” Three students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic. But let me ask you one question further…..Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” One student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.”

The student replies, “Ghost? Damn….. From back there I thought you said, ‘Goats’!”

Submitted by Clark Kent
Edited by Yisman

Two car salesmen were sitting at the bar. One complained to the other, “Boy, business sucks. If I don’t sell more cars this month, I’m going to lose my fucking ass.”Too late he noticed a beautiful blonde sitting two stools away.Immediately, he apologized for his bad language.”That’s okay,” the blonde replied, “If I don’t sell more ass this month, I’m going to lose my fucking car.”

With yet another young man in her life Elizabeth Taylor decided that in her advancing years she needed to tighten up her vaginal area. She put her trust in her plastic surgeon of 30 years standing, the one who had carried out her face-lifts, boob jobs and ass-lifts. Sworn to secrecy, he agreed that no-one but him would ever know. He carried out the delicate operation, carefully slicing away strips of the loose folds of skin. It is a long operation!Liz awakes the next morning to see 3 “get well soon” cards on her bedside table. She is appalled and demands to see the doctor. “No-one but you should know about this! You have let me down”, she says.”Ah” says the doc,” this card is from my wife and I wishing you a speedy recovery.” “How nice “, says Liz.” Thank you – what a nice thought.” “The second card is from old Madge the cleaner who has cleaned up after all your previous operations – she is to be trusted.””What a beautiful thought , from such a humble person -I’m really touched”, says Liz. “�But who is the 3rd card from?” asks Liz.”Oh”, says the doctor, “that’s from Evander Holyfield — thanking you for his new ears!!!”

Sadam Hussan ask for 2 strippers.
One stripper came and Sadam said “Strip” to the 1st one and she did. Sadam looked and said “bush” and the 2nd one came and striped and he said “no bush”

What’s grosser than gross? Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.What’s even grosser than that? When one of them throws up.

How do you make a baby drink? Stick it in the blender.

Little Johnny goes running into the kitchen and asks his mom, “mom why does granny have a prawn hanging between her legs?”
“thats not a prawn Johnny” his mother replied “thats her clitoros
“blah” says Johnny “sure tastes like a prawn…

A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the
women he couldn’t.

A guy walks into a store an asked where the beanie weanies were.the clerk said”Down the hall to your left you can’t miss it.”” So he went down the hall to the right and a gost came up “”I’m the gost of baenie waenie tuch my baenie I’ll cut off your waenie.”” the guy ran home crying .Another guy comes in and asked where the baenie waenies were the clerk said””Down the hall to your left you can’t miss it.””so he went there a gost comes up and said””Im the gost of baenie waenie tuch me baenie I’ll cut off your waenie.””the guy ran home crying .Another guy comes in an asked where the baenie waenies were the clerk said “”Down the hall to your left you cant miss it.”” so he went down the hall to his left a gost came up and said “”I’m the gost of baenie waenie tuch my baenie I’ll cut off your waenie.””and the guy said im the gost of christmas past tuch my dick I’ll kick your ass.””

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Q: Why do farts smell?

A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.

Q. What’s the ultimate rejection?
A. When you’re masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

A modest man is in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard.The security guard asked: “What’s going on?”To which the drunk replied: “I just beat the shit out of a ghost.”