Yours Fun Portal !
A woman got on a bus and not finding a seat said to a man sitting
there “I should think you’d give up your seat for a pregnant woman.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I couldn’t tell.”
She sat down and said, “That’s understandable, it’s only been 20 minutes.”
These two guys go camping, and after two weeks, decide they need a break from each other. So they decide to split up for a few days, and meet up back at the campsite.
When they return, the first guy says, “I had the most wonderful time! I hiked for a few miles, and found a beautiful little stream in a valley. There was a little deer, drinking out of the stream.it was wonderful! I spend the whole three days there.”
“Well, that’s okay,” says the second guy, “but check _this_ out. I followed some train tracks, and found a gorgeous girl, tied to the tracks! I untied her, and we had the most amazing sex, for three days, in every imaginable position!”
“Wow!” says the first guy, envious. “Did she give you oral sex?”
“No,” says the second guy. “I couldn’t find her head.”
Have you heard about the new deodorant called ‘Umpire’?
It’s for foul balls.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is � it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!”, shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, “I bet I know what it is � it’s a box of candy!” “That’s right!” shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine?”, she asked. “No”, the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. “Is it champagne?”, she asked. “No”, the boy answered. “What is it?””A puppy!”
a man decided to go out fishing. while he was fishing his pole started to yank hard. so the man started wheeling in as fast and hard as he could. he saw the fish and it was pretty big.he said to himself ooo i can take this one home for dinner. then the fish sayed… if u free me i will grant u 3 wishes…BUT!…on your wishes your neighbor will have twice as much. so the man sayed ok…i wish to have a huge beautiful house.BOOM! theres a huge beautiful house house. but he sees his neighbor with two huge beautiful houses…so the man gets kinda jealous but o well. so goes on to his next wish…i wish had a nice red ferrari ok BOOM! there it is but he sees his neighbor with 2 of them! now this guy is really mad and says i wish i wish i had 1 of my testicles removed. ok ..BOOM! then he hears a big scream comming from hi s neighbor i think u get y.
Two gays are having sex, when suddenly a guy on the TV says that there is an emergency, and everyone has to leave the city. Which one is ready to leave first?The one on the bottom, he’s already got his shit packed.
I lost my teddy bear! Can I sleep with you instead?
One day a guy got invited over to his girlfriend’s parents house for dinner. He really liked the girl and was set out to impress her parents. When he arrived at the girl’s house he was quickly whisked into the dinning room where they were getting reading to sit down for dinner. He sat down in his chair and the family dog curled up under him. Halfway through dinner the man felt a rumble in his tummy and noticed he had gas. He was very uncomfortable so he let a little bit out hoping no one would notice. As soon as he did, the girl’s father yelled at the dog “Rufus!” The guy thought, hey, this is great and let out a little bit more. Once again, the girl’s father yelled “Rufus!” They guy decided to let all the gas out since the father thought it was the dog. After he let a long fart out, the girl’s father yells at the dog “RUFUS! Get out from under that chair before that man shits on you!”
two men were shipwrecked on a desert island inhabited by canibals, the cheif said that he was a fair man, and that he wouldnt eat the men if they went into the rainforest and brought out a wheelbarrow of his favourite fruit, the first man came out with grapes, and the cheif said sorry, but i will give you one more chance, if you can push all of those up your bum without laughing, i will let you go. the man gets to the last one and bursts out laughing, the cheif asks him why he started laughing, the man replied, “i just saw my mate and he has a barrow full of coconuts!”
A customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in one dollar bills.”Excuse me, sir” he asked the old gentleman, “where did you get all this money?””Vell, I’ll tell you,” the old man began, “for many years, I travelled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls here the men were spiriting and I say ‘Give me a dollar for Israel or I’ll cut off your testicles vit my knife.'””That’s quite a story,” the customs agent said, “what’s in the second suitcase?””Vell, you know,” said the old man, shaking his head, “not everyone likes to give…”
A Fart. It goes through your pants and doesn’t even leave a hole.
One day a man walks into his local pub and tells the bartender “Give me a pitcher of Coors.”
The bartender says, “Wow, I bet you have had a bad day.”
The man says, “Yeah, I lost my job and my wife is having an affair.”
“I am sorry to hear that,” the bartender replies.
The man drinks the pitcher and asks the bartender for another.
After about an hour or so he finishes that one as well. He is still feeling low so he asks for another one.
The bartender says, “Man, I think you have had enough.”
The man says, “I promise you this will be the last one.”
So he drinks it up and he goes home.
The next morning the man has a huge hangover and walks back to the bar.
“Man, you look worse than you did last night,” the bartender says.
The man replied, “Just do me a faver and give me a pitcher of beer, just anything but Coors.”
“Ok, why?” the bartender asks, “You were drinking it like water last night.”
“I went home last night and blew chunks,” was the reply.
“Ok, I understand, you did have a lot of alcohol last night, so it does not surprise me.” quipped the keeper.
“No, No, No, Chunks is my dog!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman