Category: dirty jokes

3 gay guys are sitting in a hot tub when a condom starts floating on the water. the first gay guy asks “who farted?”

why did snow white get kicked out of disneyland?
she pulled down her knickers sta on pinocchios nose and told him to lie!

A man walks into a department store and needs to get to the bathroom, located in the back of the store. He decides to get there by going down the first aisle he sees. He starts to turn the corner when he sees a priest just standing there, staring. He thinks this strange, but decides not to disturb the priest. The man decides to go down the next aisle, but again, finds another priest standing there staring. He thinks nothing of it and proceeds to the next aisle. When he gets to the third aisle, there is again another priest. The man, now curious as to what is going on, decides to venture down the aisle. When he gets half way down, he reads a sign.”Boys Pants, Half Off”

Little Harley kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour, Little Harley said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I’m very proud of that fact.” The teacher says, “If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?” Little Harley agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Harley dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.Harley was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Harley peeked up underneath her skirt.”No wonder you won!” he exclaimed indignantly, “you’ve got a Double-Barrel!”

A leper walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a clod beer. The leper is sitting there, enjoying his beer, when he notices a man across the bar, staring at him, with an expression on his face like he is about to puke. The leper tries to ignore the man, and enjoy his beer, but the man keeps staring, and making faces. So finally, after suffering the man’s stares for long enough, the leper stands, and calls across the bar, “Hey man, what’s your problem?? I’m a leper, you know it, I know it, everyone knows it. I can’t help it. Why do you have to be such an ass?”. the man, with the same grossed out look on his face replies, “It’s not you, the guy behind you keeps dipping his chip in your neck!”.

Q. What did the potato chip say to the battery?
A. If you’re Eveready, I’m Frito Lay.

There was a gay man who had recently died and was going to heaven. He climbs up the stairs to heaven and meets a man who happens to be the keeper of heaven and hell. They begin walking to the gates so the gay man can be let in, all of a sudden the keeper drops his keys, and being gay the man jumps on top of him and begins to hump the keeper.
The keeper says, ” what in the world are you doing, get off of me! I should send you to hell right now, but seeing as we are in heaven I should give you another chance”. The gay man agrees.
Once again the keeper drops his keys and being gay the man jumps on him again the keeper says, ” Oh my word get off of me right no I would be inclined to send you to hell but we are so close to the gates that I’ill give you one more chance, but that is it”! Once again the man agrees.
Sadly the keeper drops his keys one last time, the gay man jumps on top of him and is sent to hell. Well, being the keeper he is obligated to check on heaven and hell once a month to make sure everything is okay. He goes down to hell to check and everything is not okay, there is no fire or heat just cold ice.
The keeper finally finds the devil and asks, ” Why is there no fire or heat just cold ice”!
The devil replies, “You try bending over to light a fire”!

Never lie down with a woman who’s got more troubles than you.

It seems that a well known University is giving Micheal Jackson an Honory Degree to celebrate his acquittal.

The University was disappointed to hear that Jackson didn’t wish to be presented with it.

The University spokesman said “We have gone to a lot of expense for Jackson and now that this special degree has been printed who else can we give it too? I mean not everyone is eligible for a Bachelor of Arse degree!”

What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys? Rhesus Pieces.

After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over, pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. “There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy began to worry. “Is this your husband?” he inquired nervously. “No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him. “Your boyfriend then?” he asked. “No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.”Well, who is he then?” demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the girl replied, “That’s me before the operation.”

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers
happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were
discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, “My Benny loved to fly, so I’m going up in a plane
and scatter his ashes in the sky.”

The second man said, “My Carl was a good fisherman, so I’m going to
scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.”

The third man said, “My Jim was such a good lover, I think I’m going
to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just
one more time.”