Category: dirty jokes

Why did the Avon lady walk funny?

Her lipstick.

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son.

The doctor walks in and Michael asks, “Doctor, how long before we can have sex?” “I’d wait until he’s at least 14,” the doctor replies.

Q: What’s the definition of a really macho woman?A: She jump starts her vibrator.Q: What’s the definition of a really macho man?A: He puts on a condom with a tire iron.

Did you heard of the three gay guys in San Francisco who stopped a straight woman on the street?

Well, two of them held the woman while the third one did her hair.

what did the first mate see in the toilet?the captains log .

A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla sitting on a
barstool.
The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was doing in the bar so
the bartender showed him. He took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the
head with it. The animal instantly dropped down and gave the bartender
blow job.

The Bartender then asked the man if he would like to try it.

The man said “Sure, but please don’t hit me quite so hard”.

What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don’t eat broccoli!

In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

The instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?”

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, “A basketball coach?”

A man was walking down the street with a baby ape in his arms when a friend stopped him and asked what he was doing with the chimp.

“I just bought this ape as a pet. We have no children; so he’s going to live with us just like one of the family.

He’ll eat at the same table with us. He’ll even sleep in the same bed with me and my wife.”

“But what about the smell?” the friend asked.

“Oh, he’ll just have to get used to it, the same way I did.”

A girl walks into a hair salon and she is eating a muffin and the man next to her says hunny your going to get hair on your muffin and the girl says so I’m going to get big boobies some day so what

your mommy chest so hairy, it looks like king kong is about to pop out and say hello america

I have been married twice and am now on my 3 girlfriend. i took her 2 my parents and that night we got very tired and i said that we were goin to bed. my mum said that we were not sleeping together as we were not married. so i came up with the suggestion that my mum will sleep down stairs, my girlfriend would sleep in my room and i will have to sleep in with my dad. that night me and my dad got really drunk and he woke me up saying that he was really horny and he said his dick was as hard as steel. he also said that he was goin to bone my mum. I said to him that he had to take me with him and he replied why. i then replied back that he was holding onto my dick.