Category: dirty jokes

What do you call a female police office who shaves her pussy?

Cunts-stubble.

Why does miss Piggy douche with honey??Cause Kermit likes sweet and sour pork!! lol

You know what would look better on you then that dress your wearing?……..Me.

there was once a lady she was deaf she moved houses she asked her neighbours what shall i call the house they said cherry blossem
she thought they said hairy bottom.she had a son she asked the neighbours what shall i call him they said billy she thought they said willy.then she saidto them i looked through my hairy bottom but i didnt find my willy

Centuries ago when the Seas were ruled by pirates, there was a certain captain. One day this captain was relaxing when the lookout burst into his quarters. “Captain, pirate ship off the port bow!”

The captain then called for his first mate and said, “First mate, bring me my red shirt!” The red shirt was brought to him, they went into battle and won.

The next day the lookout again burst into the room and said, “Captain, two pirate ships closing fast!” Once again the captain called for the first mate and said, “First mate, bring me my red shirt!” The first mate brought him his red shirt and once again they won the battle.

During the celebration the first-mate asked, “Captain, why do you always ask for your red shirt when we go into battle?”

“The answer is simple. That way, if I’m injured, the crew won’t know and they won’t lose hope.”

Just then the lookout burst through the door, “Captain, ten ships closing fast!”

“First mate, bring me my brown pants!”

So This Little Boy asked His Dad if God was Male or Female, His Dad said God is Both Male and Female,
Later that Day the Little Boy asked His Dad If God is Black Or White His Dad said God was Both Black and White…

Later That Day The Little Boy Asked his Dad If Micheal Jackson Is God

What do you call ’69’ in China?

Two-can-chew.

A Marine and Navyman are in the bathroom together, and the Marine goes to leave without washing his hands.”Hey,” says the Navyman, “in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands.””In the Marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands.”

What does micheal jackson and burger king have in common?

They both stick there meat in 5 year old buns!

The jumbo jet is just coming into an Airport in Toronto on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom.”This is Capt Johnson. We’re on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto. He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, “Well skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto? Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation.”Well,” says the skipper, “first I’m gonna check into the hotel and take a crap. Then I’m gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I’m gonna wine and dine her , take her back to my room, and shag her all night.”Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She’s so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady’s bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says, “No need to run, dear, he’s gotta take a shit first!”

(the music of row ur boat)
fuck fuck fuck a duck
screw a kangaroo
gang bang an orangatang
orgy at the zoo
**NiKkI ScoTt**

a man decided to go out fishing. while he was fishing his pole started to yank hard. so the man started wheeling in as fast and hard as he could. he saw the fish and it was pretty big.he said to himself ooo i can take this one home for dinner. then the fish sayed… if u free me i will grant u 3 wishes…BUT!…on your wishes your neighbor will have twice as much. so the man sayed ok…i wish to have a huge beautiful house.BOOM! theres a huge beautiful house house. but he sees his neighbor with two huge beautiful houses…so the man gets kinda jealous but o well. so goes on to his next wish…i wish had a nice red ferrari ok BOOM! there it is but he sees his neighbor with 2 of them! now this guy is really mad and says i wish i wish i had 1 of my testicles removed. ok ..BOOM! then he hears a big scream comming from hi s neighbor i think u get y.