Category: dirty jokes

Little Harley kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behaviour, Little Harley said, “I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I’m very proud of that fact.”The teacher says, “If I show you I can do it better than you, will you stop?”Little Harley agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Harley dropped his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck of dust off the paper. The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down and farted but when she was done, and there was not a trace of chalk dust left on the paper.Harley was astonished and asked if he could see her do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Harley peeked up underneath her skirt.”No wonder you won!” he exclaimed indignantly, “you’ve got a Double-Barrel!”

What’s brown and sits in the forest?Winnie’s Pooh.

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.”I have just the thing,” says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.”Just place this between your cheek and gum.”The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.”And what if I swallow it?””No problem,” says the barber.”Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.”

While driving cross-country a man ran out of gas. Walked for a few miles in the rain and came to a house. After banging on the door for 10 minutes he decided to leave, but saw something in the window. There stood a nude couple, the woman squeezing her tits and the man beating his dick with an umbrella.

After watching for a while, the guy wrote them off as loonies and went in the direction of the next house. The neighbors were friendly and helped out in what ever way they could, the guy couldn’t resist describing what he saw in the first house.

The woman laughed and said, “Oh, they carry on that conversation all the time.”

“What do you mean?” asked the puzzled traveler.

“Well you see, they’re a deaf couple. She was asking her husband to go milk the cow and he was saying, “F*ck you bitch, it’s raining!”

One to masturbate and one to moan.

Why is aspirin white?

You want it to work don’t you?

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Q: Did you hear Princess Diana was on the radio?

A: Yep, and on the window, and on the dashboard…

Q- when a white baby dies where does he go?
A- he goes to heaven
Q- what does he get
A- wings
Q- what do they call them
A- angels

Q- when a black baby dies where does he go?
A- he goes to heaven
Q- what does he get
A- he gets wings
Q- what do they call them
A- a BAT

DONT HIM ME OR I WILL YOU ANN TEMPLETON
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When a man and a woman get married they need a Marriage License.

When Lesbians get married, they need a Licker License.

During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness.

After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he’d come across was, er, female juices.

“But you’re balder than I am,” protested the customer.

“True,” admitted the barber, “but you’ve gotta admit I’ve got one hell of a moustache!”

Why did michealjakson and the squirl cross the road and turn back?
They both forgot there nuts.