Category: dirty jokes

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the kings horses and all the kings men
Said fuck him! – he’s only an egg!

Little boy blew
Hey! He needed the money!

Want to hear a clean joke, Bob took a bath with Bubbles.

Want to hear a dirty joke, Bubbles was the guy next door.

Dr. Jones, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they’re cured and ready to re-enter society.”So, Mr. Clark,” the doctor says to one of his patients, “I see by your chart that you’ve been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you’re released?”The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, “Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That’s still a good field, good money there. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it’s like to be a patient here. People might be interested in reading a book like that. In addition, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I’ve grown interested in lately.”Dr. Jones nods and says, “Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities.”The patient replies, “And the best part is, in my spare time, I can go on being a teapot.”

One night a couple known for their arguments was at it again.

This time it was because she hadn’t fed the dog, and man did he love that mutt.

Towards the end of the arguement, he was walking out, coat in hand, yelling about how she better feed his dog, and as a treat, give him one of those bones he likes.

With a smirk on her face, she silently nodded her head and watched him walk out.

An hour later when he returned, he and his buddy caught his wife fucking the dog!

With a shocked expression, he stuttered out, “W-what are you doing!?”

Turning to see him, she smiled like a cheshire cat and replied, “Well… you said to give him a bone he likes, so I did!”

Submitted by whisperin_bullhorn
Edited by Curtis

why do niggers where thick brim hats?

so birds wont shit on there lips

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he’ll get scared away,” the boy said. He was then sent to the principal’s office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.”A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he’ll get scared away.” Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, “Open your hands!” “Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him.”

The City Health Inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat to where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the Health Inspector nearly chokes when he see that he is not wearing a shirt. The chef then proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.Appalled, the Health Inspector had barely finished writing up this infraction when an order came back for a hamburger. The cook proceeded to grab a handful of ground meat and pressed it into a perfect patty in his armpit. Shocked and bewildered, the Health Inspector called for the manager and explained the gravity of the deplorable conditions he had seen.”That’s nothing,” said the manager, “you should come back at five in the morning when he makes the donuts!”

A little girl goes into the toilet and sees her dad having a shower.

It’s at that moment she spots his penis.

Pointing at it she says…..

“Daddy, daddy, when will I get one of those?”

The dad looks at the little girl, looks out the door, looks back at the little girl and winks…. “When your mommy goes to the mall!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

How do you get four gay guys to sit at one stool?

Turn it upside down!

Two sailors and a nun are stranded on a desert island.After spending one one month on the island with the sailors the nun is so disgusted with their behaviour she commits suicide, after another month the sailors are so disgusted with their behaviour they bury her, after another month the sailors are so disgusted with their behaviour they dig her back up again.

A man must do something to relieve the monogamy.

There was once a Rino sleeping by a water fall. just then a huge lion come along and grabed his balls give them a little shake and said “oh i’ll ave a peice of that!”” and the lion starts shagging the Rino up the arse then the Rino wakes up and the lion runs for his life then whilst the Rino is stomping just behind the lion the lion sees a hunter reading a newspaper with those funny hunter hats on so the lion kills the hunter sticks on his hat gets the newspaper and sits down then the Rino says to the lion (who he thinks is a hunter)ave u seen a lion come through here? and the lion says do you mean the one who shagged the rino up the ass earlier? then the Rino said “”FUCK ME DON’T TELL ME IT’S IN THE PAPERS ALREADY !!!!. by Ricky .L. Lewis

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