Category: dirty jokes

My name is Delores, and I have a Snotty Nose! All my friends tell me to grab tissue, but I say NO! I do not think that is necessary! I think my cousins best friends brothers sleeve looks much softer! so I blew and I blew and I mean I BLEW! And beleive me, I have not blown my nose for 8 years! thanx for listenin!

A San Francisco tourist is taking a stroll through Golden Gate Park when he�s attacked by three horny sailors.

They strip him, tie him over a tree branch so he can�t move and butt fuck him repeatedly, then leave him tied-up and helpless.

Hours later he spies a policeman through the trees and calls for help.

The cop strolls over.

“Well Hello! What have we here?” the cop asks.

The poor tourist quickly relates his ordeal with the sailors.

“Really?”, says the cop, �It�s not your day for uniforms . . . as the cop unzips his fly,. . . now is it sir?”

a woman takes a used tampon to an antiques dealer and says”cmon then you smart fucker tell me what period this is from then!”

Why did Micheal Jackson go to K-mart?

He herd mens pants were half off!

Why did the condom fly across the room?

– It got pissed off.

What do you do if an Iraqi with half a head comes running at you?

Stop laughing and reload!

What do you tell a bitch with two black eyes?

Nothing. You done told the bitch twice already.

What’s brown and sits in the forest?Winnie’s Pooh.

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

“Hurry!” she said, “Stand in the corner.”

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.

“Don’t move until I tell you to,” she whispered. “Just pretend you’re a statue.”

“What’s this, honey?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly.

“The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too.”

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

“Here,” he said to the ‘statue’, “eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water.”

A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, “How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?”The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, “Tell you what – why don�t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you�ve got something really big and hard down there, and they�ll want you.”So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can�t understand what�s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, “What am I doing wrong? You said they�d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!”Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, “You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!”

O.J. was on a talk show recently and was asked if he would ever get married again.He replied..”Sure…I’d love to take another stab at it..!!!”

englash man scotish man and irish man and a paky up the twin towers the englash man
picks up a computer and says i have got to
many of these in my country.The scottish
man picks up a staddium and says I have got
to many of these in my country.Then the paky picks up a corner shop and says I have got to many of these in my country and thrws it out the window .Then the irish man picks up the paky and throws him out the window and says I have got to many of these in my country.