Category: current events

LONDON (AP) – Russian scientists are developing a cocktail of
bacteria that will eat underpants in an effort to find new ways
to dispose of astronauts’ dirty underwear. The project, aimed at
long space missions lasting months, such as a trip to Mars, is
reported in this week’s issue of New Scientist, a London-based
science magazine. The methane gas given off by the disposal unit
could be used to power the spacecraft, the scientists told the
magazine. “This will be a revolution in the science of
biodegradation,” said Vyacheslav Ilyin, head of the microbial
ecology laboratory at the Institute for Biological and Medical
Problems at the Russian State Research Center.

The U.S. warned Iran today that it is in danger of being dropped from the three-nation “Axis of Evil” after a lackluster 2002 in which the purportedly evil country was largely missing in action.

“When it comes to remaining in the A.O.E., Iran is just hanging by a thread,” one State Department source said today.

While North Korea and Iraq were both front and center in 2002 with their headline-grabbing evildoing, Iran for the most part stayed on the sidelines, jeopardizing its evil status, the source said.

Remaining in the Axis of Evil is a high priority for Iran, since membership in the A.O.E. results in billions of dollars of free publicity and news coverage every year.

Partly for this reason, the head of Iran�s Ministry of Evil in Tehran today disputed the State Department�s assessment of its less-than-evil performance, arguing that his nation had done many evil things in 2002.

Evil Minister Farid Mesghali said that Iran�s links to terrorist groups, as well as its firing up of its nuclear facility in southern Bushehr, had gone largely unnoticed and were overshadowed by such stories as the Trent Lott controversy and the Winona Ryder shoplifting trial.

“We were really, really evil last year,” Mr. Mesghali said. “We just need to do a better job of getting the word out.”

But time may be running out for Iran, who faces expulsion from the A.O.E. if they do not “strut their stuff, evil-wise, pretty darn soon,” the State Department source said.

“Without evil, Iran�s got no juice at all,” the source said. “They might as well be Belgium.”

Q: What’s the newest game in Washington?

A: Swallow the leader.

Princess Diana was on the radio…and the dashboard and the windshield.

Why wasn’t Monica a doctor?

She’s stuck as an intern.

Did you hear that they are making a movie about the latest Kennedy
tragedy?

The current working title is: 3 funerals and a wedding.

Saddam Hussein and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.

Saddam tells his driver: “Go to da farm over dere and hexplain to da honer of da pig what appened.”

One hour later, Saddam sees his driver coming back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other.

“What appen to you?” he asks.

“Well, the farmer gave me a bottle of wine, his wife, the cigar and their 19 year old daughter made wild passionate love to me.”

“My God! What did you tell dem?” asked President Hussein.

The driver answered: “Good evening, I am Saddam Hussein’s chauffeur and I have just killed the pig.”

There is a picture going around that has Monica Lewinsky with white around
her lips. On the bottom of the picture it reads “Got Clinton.”