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Osama bin Laden, severly injured in an American attack, is in a
US Army medical facility, when he asks the attending doctor,
“Doc, when will I die?”
“Unsure of the exact time of death,” his Western doctor says.
“But you will die on an American holiday.”
“How do you know it will be on an American holiday?” asks the
terrorist.
“Oh,” said the doctor, “Any day that you die will be an American
holiday.”
THIS JOKE DIRECT FROM BAGHDAD before the Gulf War – Submitted by one of the world’s top experts on Iraq now temporarily in Washington, D. C ——————————————————–An unemployed Iraqi was hanging out on Abu Nawas street in Baghdad recovering from a hangover and started to become very hungry. He looked around and saw no food in the street so he decided he would have to ask for a handout.He passed a liquor store and knew that the owner was a religious Christian, so he searched around for a few hours and finally found a picture of Jesus on the cross to try to ingratiate himself to the man.So the guy walked into the store and said ‘My friend, I am a poor homeless man and am very hungry. In the memory of Jesus – and here he took out the picture of Jesus on the Cross – would you please be so kind and help me?’The shop owner responded. ‘My poor friend, The lord has been good to me so here is a dinar (about $3 at the time) I hope this will help you get a warm meal.’Rather than buying food, the man passed a local bar and walked in to find a drink. Over time, his dinar evaporated into alcohol and he found himself in a drunken stupor on the bank of the Tigris River, just off Abu Nawas Street. He woke up 2 days later, now even hungrier than before, and realized how stupid he had been. He decided that he would go back to the kind liquor store owner.Unfortunately, he lost his picture of Jesus and spent several hours looking around for it. To no avail, he just could not find it. The only thing he could find was a recent photo of Saddam Hussein on the wall. So he picked it up and walked back to the store.The store owner greeted him and the man said, ‘My friend, you were so kind before. Now I ask you again if you can help me in the name of our glorious leader, The ‘Historical Necessity’, ‘the Defender of our country, May The Lord protect and defend him ‘(and he pulls out the photo) of ‘Saddam Hussein.’The merchant hands him over a ‘Dirham’ (approximately 5 Cents at the time) The guy was confused and asked, ‘How come when I came here 2 days ago, and I showed you a picture of Jesus on the cross, you were very gracious and gave me a dinar ($3), and now when I show you a photo of our glorious leader Saddam Hussein, May The Lord protet and defend hime, you only give me a DIRHAM ($.05)?So the merchant responds, ‘If you bring me Saddam Hussein like this – spreading his arms wide to emulate the cross – I would give you a dinar as well.’
Why does Bill Clinton play the saxaphone?
Because he could not find his hormonica.
‘R’ for rudeness…
Two arabs move to the US and on the plane over they where figting over who would be more American with in a year so they agreed to meet one year later to see who was mor American. So a year later they met and the first arab says I just ate at McDonalds after watching the Yankee game. The other arab just gave him an angry look and said Fuck You Towel Head.
Did you hear about the inexperienced terrorist who tried to blow
up a bus?
He burnt his mouth on the exhaust pipe.
Monica Lewinsky is part Jewish, part Ancestral Russian, and she has a
little CUBAN in her!
To err is human, to get head is Clinton.
Clinton didn’t tell Monica to lie.
He told her to lie down!
What does Bill Clinton tell his interns befor they leave his office?
Don’t hit your head on the desk!
Why didn’t JFK Jr. take a shower before he left?
He said he would wash-up on shore.
Dear Friends,
We are going to live in this cave for quite a while, so we need a few “good neighbor” rules
– Everyone try and keep the cave clean. Do not leave crumbs on the floor.
– It is very rare that I give television interviews, and when I do so, I am trying to scare the most powerful country in the world. So please do not wave at the camera behind my back.
– We all also need to try and keep our beards clean, especially after we eat.
– Last, there has been word that American soldiers are trying to infiltrate our ranks in disguise. To combat this, starting tonight, we will have 24-7 patrol around the cave. The first patrol will be made up of Ahmed, Omar, Muhammad, and Richard.
Love,
Osama
What do Kosovo and Hiroshima have in common?
Nothing, yet.
2 black ski masks– $38
sufficient ammo—- $145
2 black trenchcoats $217
Seeing the expressions on your classmate’s face before you blow it
off–$priceless$
There are some things money can’t buy. For everything else, there’s
MasterCard.