Category: current events

Why the US attacked Iraq twice

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A Washington think tank has announced a breakthrough in the search for a pattern in the seemingly random US military aggression since World War II. “We think they are spelling out a message”, explains an unnamed spokesperson. “If we take the first letters of Korea, Vietnam, Libya, Iraq, Iran, El Salvador, Grenada, Nicaragua and Somalia, it spells ‘ELVIS _S KING’. We just need to find another ‘I’ country to complete the message.”Maybe this explains the second attack on Iraq?!

JFK Jr.

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JFK Jr.’s Last Words:
1. “NO! Not that button!”
2. “I wish I hadn’t bought this plane from John Denver!”
3. “Carolyn….your sister is a much better in bed than you’ll
ever be.”
4. “I dropped my cigarette – it didn’t roll over toward the gas
cap, did it?”
5. “Geez. We almost hit that duck!”
6. “Ya know, we really should visit the family cemetery this
year.”
7. “If you had wings, dear, you’d be an angel.”
8. “Do you remember the last time we met Princess Di?”
9. “Hmmm… I guess that I shouldn’t have made fun of our first
president after all”
______________________________________________________________

The Following are the three main causes of death in the USA
Today:
1. Cancer
2. Heart disease
3. Being a member of the Kennedy family.
______________________________________________________________

Goodbye JFK
(to the tune of… what else?… Candle In The Wind by Elton
John)
Goodbye, JFK,
May you sink beneath the blue
You were the face that graced the tabloids
at the checkstand on aisle two.
You bored us all to madness
With your wife and your career,
Now you feed the little fishies
And the crabs nest in your ears.
And it seems to me you flew your last,
Like a Kennedy in the Wind
Never grounding for the sunset
When the fog set in!
And your aircraft, did it fall here?
Anong New England krill?
Our interest burned out long before
Your family ever will!
A Kennedy we’ve lost
But they’ve already got s dozen more
And your family’s mausoleum
Comes with a revolving door!
For another deader loaded in
And even though we try
We cannot but feign interest
As the press parade goes by.
So good bye, JFK,
a kid who watched your Dad get whacked!
And then your uncle, after him,
You’re another blue-blood kacked.
So it seems to me you flew your last
Like a Kennedy in the wind
Never grounding for the sunset
When the fog set in.

The Ten Commandments

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During his visit to the United Statesthe Pope met with President Clinton.
Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days.
Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media.

The President was smiling and announced the summitwas a resounding
success. He said that he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they
discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House
to be with his family.

A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked
tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his
meeting with the President was a failure. Incredulous, one reporter asked,
“But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a
great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed.”
Exasperated, the Pope answered, “Yes, but we were talking about the Ten
Commandments.”

Good Bill & Monica Jokes

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What do Monica Lewinsky and a Coke Machine have in common?
They both have a sign that says, “Insert Bill Here, Faceup.”

Seems Bill wasted all that time running for Persident.
He thought they said the “Oral” office.

Why did Bill get into this problem?
He didn’t know that her-ass (Harass) was one word.

What does Monica have on her Resume?
“Sat on the Presidential Staff.”