Category: current events

A boy reads in a newspaper that children in an average American family
watches at least 600 violent movies on television each year. The boy tells
his friend this and says, “What a pity, I’ve been watching the wrong
channels!”

At a hastily called press conference this morning, Taliban Minister of Emigration, Mohammed Ben Dover, warned the United States that if any further military action was taken against Afghanistan, Taliban authorities would not hesitate to cut off America’s supply of convenience store managers and taxi-cab drivers.

One day OJ simpson was going to California. Well, when he reached
California he got to stay in a hotel and live like a fancey and rich
person. At this time it was the time he was convicted of being a murderer.
No one in the state knew that he was there, but when they found out where
OJ was in California, all the citizens changed there area code to 911!

Lockheed F-16 Fighting Falcon – $25 million dollars

Lockheed F-117 Nighthawk Stealth Bomber – $45 million dollars.

Boeing B-52 Stratofortress – $74 million dollars.

Brand new B-2 Stealth Bomber – $2.1 billion dollars.

The look on Milosevic’s face when 16 one-ton bombs drop on his
head–Priceless.

There are some things that money can’t buy… good thing military
superiority isn’t one of them. For the rest, there’s MasterCard, the
official card of the 19 member NATO alliance and those who believe that
sometimes you just need to blow up something in order to restore peace.

Q: What dose Bill Clinton have in common with a screw driver?

A: A screw driver screws in, and Bill Clinton screws interns!

Q: What do you call the ugly, useless, smelly piece of flesh attached to
Bill Clinton’s dick?

A: Monica.

When Mother Teresa died and went to heaven, she was met at the pearly
gates by Saint Peter, and told to come right in, that “He” was expecting
her. She went inside, and was met by a host of angels singing praises to
her. These angels led her to a room in which God himself was waiting.
Mother Teresa was humbled as God spoke of all the good she had done for
the less fortunate masses on earth.

He went on to tell her that, in appreciation of all the good work she had
performed, He had made a special halo just for her. It was bigger than all
the other halos in heaven, and he wanted her to wear it proudly.

Mother Teresa, being the humble soul that she is, protested, saying that
she only did what she did because she was trying to live a life worthy of
Christ, and God replied that He was well aware of that, but just wear the
halo, that it would make him happy.

So Mother Teresa went forth wearing the halo, and was the center of
attention wherever she went. One day though, she saw someone with a much
larger halo, and with interest picqued, she went to see who rated a halo
larger than hers. It was none other Princess Di. This troubled Mother
Teresa, and caused her to go to God to find out what Di did to rate a
bigger halo.

“My Lord, I am not one to complain, and I am very humbled that I have been
given such a large halo, but I feel I must ask, why would Princess Di have
a larger halo than I?” “My child,” the Lord answered, “that is not a halo,
it’s a steering wheel.”

***********************Q. What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?A. They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!Q: What is the best Iraqi job?A: Foreign AmbassadorQ: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?A. You only have to teach them to take off.Q. How do you play Iraqi bingo?A. B-52… F-16… A-20…Q: What is Iraq’s national bird?A: DuckQ: What’s the difference between Aeroflot and the Scud Missile?A: Russia’s Airline, Aeroflot has killed more people.Q: How is Saddam like Fred Flintstone?A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats?A: So they can see their Air Force.Q. Did you hear that Saddam Hussein won the toss?A. He elected to receive***********************

Have you heard the new meaning for the word BITCH?

Bill’s In Trouble, Call Hillary!

A mama duck, baby duck, mama skunk, and baby skunk were all
crossing the road when the 2 mama animals got ran over. The baby
duck asked the baby skunk, “What am I? What am I?” “Well you got
a beek and feathers you must be a duck.”

“What am I?” asked the skunk. “Well you’re black and white and
your mama was just killed. You must be one of OJ’s kids.”

As for what to do with Osama bin Laden:

Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will
inspire his comrades to take hostages to demand his release.

Therefore, I suggest we do neither.

Let the special forces, Seals, or whatever covertly capture him,
fly him to an undisclosed hospital and have surgeons quickly
perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return HER to
Afghanistan.

Q: What do Afghanistan and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.

Q: What do Osama Bin Laden and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where all those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What is the best job in Afghanistan?
A: Foreign Ambassador.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb in Afghanistan?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting.

Q: “How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
A: “We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time.”

Q: How is Osama Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone?
A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble.

Q: Did you hear that Osama Bin Laden won the toss?
A: He elected to receive.

Q: Why do all Afghani soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
A: They need a map.