Category: current events

Monica Lewinski can’t find a job anywhere now: cause she sucked as an
intern!

What was the last thing that went through Jill Dando’s mind?

A bullet.

Did you hear of the new merger? Apparently Acromobie and Fitch is merging
with the gay porn industry to form “acromobie and my bitch.”

What is green, has four legs, and smells like pussy?

The White House pool table.

More than a billion screwed.
Contest error: collect 100 small apple pies.
Would you care for a rigged game piece with your order?
Supersize your disappointment!
Did somebody say scam artist today?
Become an instant millionaire: sue us for fraud!
Have you had your McScandal today?
We have a Monoply on all Grand Prizes!

A man was walking down the beach one day and came across a bottle.
Thinking it may be valuable, he opened it up. All of a sudden, a genie
pops out in a puff of smoke and says, “You are my new master, and I’ll
grant you ONE wish. make it a good one!”

The man, beside himself, sat down to think for a while. “Alright, I’ve
decided: I want to sleep with three women at once!!!”

“Your wish is my command, master. when you get home, leave the lights off,
and you shall sleep with three women.”

He got home, turned off the lights, and sure enough, there were three
woman in his bedroom. Thinking they might disappear if he turned on the
lights (“leave the lights off…”), he just went to town on them in the
dark.

When he woke up, he saw the three women: Lorena Bobbit, Tonya Harding and
Hillary Clinton. He also looked down and saw that his “unit” was cut off,
both his knees had been clubbed, and there was a note on his chest stating
that his health insurance was revoked.

Bin Laden goes to a psychic and asks her “When will I die?” She
tells him that he will die on an American Hoilday. “Oh No! Which
hoilday?!” The psychic says, “When you die, it will be an
american Hoilday.”

Why doesn’t Monica Lewinsky like frozen yogurt?

Because it doesn’t go flying down her throat 30 miles an hour!

Luise Woodword now works in a McDonalds. Every time a kid walks in she
says:

FREE SHAKE!!!!!!!!!!

A guy is driving along the freeway in Los Angeles, and as he reaches
downtown, he finds himself in the middle of a massive traffic jam that is
blocking up five different freeways and sending lines of cars back for
miles in all directions.

After a while, he notices a guy walking from car to car down the freeway,
stopping and talking to people through their car windows.

When the guy reaches him he rolls down his window and says, “Hey! What’s
causing all this delay?”

The guy on the freeways says, “Well, you’re not going to believe this, but
OJ Simpson has sat down in the middle of the freeway intersection up
there, and he’s totally distraught, and he says there’s no way he can ever
pay the $35 million he owes the Goldmans and the Browns, and so he’s
threatened to douse himself in gasoline and light himself on fire if
people don’t give enough money sufficient to cover the cost of the
judgment. So I’ve taken up a collection to try to end the traffic jam.”

“How much have you gotten so far.”

“About ten gallons.”

What is the difference between Jill Dando and Shane Richie?

Shane Ritchie passed the doorstep challenge.

What do you get when you put Monica Lewinsky and Chief Geronamo in
a car?

A blown Ingine!