Category: crazy

Once upon a time there was a kid in the 2nd grade. one day his teacher told him to say the ABC’s by tomorrow, so when he got home after school he asked his dad what is the first letter of the alphebet? he said shutup so he goes to his sisters room and shes on the phone he asks whats the second letter of the alphebet? and she says uh ha uh ha uh ha. so next he goes into his brothers room whos watching Batman and asks whats the 3rd letter of the alphebet? he says dun nun nunu BATMAN! so he goes into the kitchen where his mom is cooking dinner and he asks whats the 4th letter of the alphebet? she says my buns are burning, my buns are burning! so then the next day he goes to school and his teacher asks say the alphebet and he says shut up. so she says do u want to go to the princapal’s office? he says uh ha uh ha uh ha, so he is in the princapal’s office and he asks who do u theink you are? then he says du nanana BATMAN! and the princapal pattals his behind, and the kids screams my buns are burning my buns are burning!

there was a guy that went to alaska and asked the man at the border how to be a respected citizen and he said “first you must drink a bottle of wiskey without moving an eyelash, then kill a polar bear, and last you must make love to an alaskan women” and the man said “i’ll drink the wiskey first” and did without moving an eyelash. then asked the man where to find the polar bear and the man said “on the outside of town.” so he toke of and about an hour later came back all scratched bloody and his hair all matted and said “wow, that was tough!now where do i kill the alaskan lady?!”

Q. What’s worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?

A. Getting fingered by Captain Hook.

Q: How many programmers dose it take to changr a lightbilb?
A:None…that’s a harware issue.

These came from the mouths of geeks
and nerds, and all with a nerdy laugh at

the end:

its not earth to eric–its mars to eric!!!

i dont want you to be screwed, i want you

to be nailed!!!

your mama is so stupid she made the

anti-deans list!!!

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive ?

Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds ?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii ?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes ?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there ?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime ?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations ?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings ?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year,

Why are there locks on the doors ?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose ?

If nothing ever sticks to Teflon,

How do they make Teflon stick to the pan ?

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height,

What would happen ?

If you’re in a vehicle going the speed of light,

What happens when you turn on the headlights ?

You know how most packages say “Open Here.”

What is the protocol if the package says, “Open Somewhere Else ?”

Why do they put braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM ?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways ?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it;s called cargo ?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,

Why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance ?

Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Will you know me tommorow? Will you next week? Will you know me next year? Will you know me in two years? Okay then. Knock Knock. Whos their? I thought that you said you would know me.

Q. Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?

A. To pot the brown.

Q.how do you fit an elephant into a subway? A.take the s away from sub and the f away from way