Yours Fun Portal !
A group of the world’s leading computer scientists got together
and created a gigantic computer. It had hundreds of 120 pentium
chips linked together, more than 1,000 ten gigabyte hard drives
and ran at speeds in excess of 5,000 MHz. After months of
feeding in data, the leading scientist sat down at the keyboard
and typed in, “Is there a God?”
The answer instantly flashed up on the huge monitor, “There is
NOW!”
Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson’s New Book?
A: It’s called, “The In’s and Out’s of Child Rearing”.
Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Baltimore Orioles have in common?
A: They both walk around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason.
Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?
Yup, she’s gonna do all the handicapping and he’s gonna ride all the 3-year-olds!
Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.
The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.
If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he’ll have no choice but to make him a priest!
Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
A: By all the Big Wheels parked in his driveway.
And finally, I found out why Michael has cut down on public appearances…
He wants to spend more time with the kids!
Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new
operating system “Windows 2000” will be delayed until the second
quarter of
1901.
Modem – What you did to your fields last July
There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, ‘Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it’ll work !?’
Hacker – Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.
David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.
IBM: Intense Bowel Movement
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Type “I’d love to see you naked” in MS Word, then click thesaurus.
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife
flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: January 13, 2005
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
~~
Editor’s note: Variation on an old postal theme, but still a good one.