Category: computers

A group of the world’s leading computer scientists got together
and created a gigantic computer. It had hundreds of 120 pentium
chips linked together, more than 1,000 ten gigabyte hard drives
and ran at speeds in excess of 5,000 MHz. After months of
feeding in data, the leading scientist sat down at the keyboard
and typed in, “Is there a God?”

The answer instantly flashed up on the huge monitor, “There is
NOW!”

Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson’s New Book?
A: It’s called, “The In’s and Out’s of Child Rearing”.

Q: What do Michael Jackson and the Baltimore Orioles have in common?
A: They both walk around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason.

Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together?
Yup, she’s gonna do all the handicapping and he’s gonna ride all the 3-year-olds!

Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
A: He thought it was a delivery service.

The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson.
If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he’ll have no choice but to make him a priest!

Q: How can you tell when Michael Jackson is giving a party?
A: By all the Big Wheels parked in his driveway.

And finally, I found out why Michael has cut down on public appearances…
He wants to spend more time with the kids!

Microsoft announced today that the official release date for the new
operating system “Windows 2000” will be delayed until the second
quarter of
1901.

Modem – What you did to your fields last July

There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.

The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, ‘Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it’ll work !?’

Hacker – Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

IBM: Intense Bowel Movement

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Type “I’d love to see you naked” in MS Word, then click thesaurus.

• Your service provider calls *you* for tech support
• Someone at school/work tells you a joke and you say “LOL!”
• Three words: carpal tunnel syndrome
• You come home from somewhere and wait for your friends to say “re.”
• You get a second phone line, just so you can call Domino’s.
• You raise your hand in school and say “BRB”
• You begin to say hehehe instead of laughing.
• You know and regularly use more than 10 different ways to smile in ascii text. 🙂
• When someone says “What did you say?”, you automatically say “scoll up!”
• You marry your cybergirl/boyfriend and the two of you sit across the room typing love messages to each other.

These are actual calls to Tech support help desks
(Some of you may find this funny while others could possibly use this section as a reference)
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was “running it under Windows.” The woman then responded, “No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine.”
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Tech Support: “How much free space do you have on your hard drive?” Customer: “Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?”
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Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.” Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.” Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”
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I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
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Customer: “Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?”
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I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this:Customer: “Hi. Is this the Internet?”
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Some people pay for their on-line services with checks made payable to “The Internet.”
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Customer: “So that’ll get me connected to the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Yeah.”
Customer: “And that’s the latest version of the Internet, right?”
Tech Support: “Uhh…uh…uh…yeah.”
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Tech Support: “Ok Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at thesame time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.”
Customer: “I don’t have a ‘P’.”
Tech Support: “On your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “What do you mean?”
Tech Support: “‘P’ on your keyboard, Bob.”
Customer: “I’m not going to do that!”
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Customer: “My computer crashed!”
Tech Support: “It crashed?”
Customer: “Yeah, it won’t let me play my game.”
Tech Support: “All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot.”
Customer: “No, it didn’t crash-it crashed.”
Tech Support: “Huh?”
Customer: “I crashed my game. That’s what I said before. Now it doesn’t work.”
Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship.
Tech Support: “Click on ‘File,’ then ‘New Game.'”
Customer: [pause] “Wow! How’d you learn how to do that?”