Category: celebrities

The following are excerpts of interviews with the Beatles.

Reporter: Do you date much?
Ringo: What are you doing tonight?

Reporter: Ringo, why do you think you get more fan mail than
anyone else in the group?
Ringo: I don’t know. I suppose it’s because more people write me.

Reporter: How did you find America?
Ringo: We went to Greenland and make a left turn.

Reporter: Is it true you can’t sing?
John pointing to George: Not me. Him.

Reporter: Do you resent fans ripping up your sheets for
souvenirs?
Ringo: No, I don’t mind. So long as I’m not in them while the
ripping is going on.

Reporter: Do you like topless bathing suits?
Ringo: We’ve been wearing them for years.

Reporter: Girls rushed toward my car because it had press
identification on it and they thought I met you. How do you
explain this phenomenon?
John: You’re lovely to look at.

Reporter: You were at the Playboy Club last night. What did you
think of it?
Paul: The Playboy and I are just good friends.

Reporter: There’s a “Stamp Out the Beatles” movement underway in
Detroit. What are you going to do about it?
Paul: We’re going to start a campaign to stamp out Detroit.

Reporter: Beethoven figures in one of your songs. What do you
think of Beethoven?
Ringo: He’s great. Especially his poetry.

Reporter: Who thought up the name, Beatles?
Paul: I thought of it.
Reporter: Why?
Paul: Why not?

Reporter: What do you think of the criticism that you are not
very good?
George: We’re not.

Reporter: When you do a new song, how do you decide who sings
the lead?
John: We just get together and whoever knows most of the words
sings the lead.

Reporter: Does all the adulation from teenage girls affect you?
John: When I feel my head start to swell, I look at Ringo and
know perfectly well we’re not supermen.

Reporter: What’s your reaction to a Seattle psychiatrist’s
opinion that you are a menace?
George: Psychiatrists are a menace.

The Queen of England was showing the Archbishop of Canterbury around the Royal Stables when one of the stallions close by farted so loudly it couldn’t be ignored. ‘Oh dear,’ said the Queen, ‘How embarrassing. I’m frightfully sorry about that.’ ‘It’s quite understandable,’ said the archbishop, and after a moment added, ‘as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse.’

A little boy went up to his father and asked,
Dad is god a boy or a girl?

Both son both

Then the little boy asked dad is god black or white?

Both son both.

Ten minutes later the boy came down stairs and asked

Dad is Micheal Jackson God?

What’s the difference between Spiceworld and a porno?

A porno has better music.

What did one Angel say to the other?
Halo there!

How to cats greet each other at Christmas?
“A furry merry Christmas & Happy mew year!”

What do elephants sing at Christmas?
No-elephants, no elephants!

What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?
Best vicious of the season

What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?
Cross mouse cards!

How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A merry Christmas to ewe

What does Father Christmas write on his Christmas cards?
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (No-L!!)!

Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson was taken to the Emergency Room?
A: He was choking on a small bone!

A new look for the Backstreet BoysSubmitted by: JuliaNote: Our “Send this Joke to A Friend” email thingy doesn’t transmit pictures. But if you see this in email, you can click on the link above!

The Energizer Bunny, known best for “going and going and going…” passed
away last evening. Upon completion of the autopsy early this morning, the
chief medical examiner ruled that the death was caused by acute cardiac
arrest, induced by sexual over-stimulation. Apparently, someone put the
battery in backwards and the bunny kept coming and coming and coming…

THE WORKLOAD “There are 2 billion children in the world, but since Santa doesn’t appear to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces his work- load to 15 percent of the total, or 300 million.At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 85.7 million homes. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels east to west. This works out to 767.9 visits per second.So for each Christian household with good children, Santa has about 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the presents, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, into the sleigh and move on to the next house. TIME/DISTANCE “Assuming that these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the Earth, we’re talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles SPEED”This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, or 3,000 times the speed of sound. THE PAYLOADAssuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium- size Lego set (2 lbs.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as ‘heavy.’ On land, normal reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds, and even granting that flying reindeer could pull 10 times the normal amount, Santa’s going to need 214,200 reindeer to pull his sleigh. This increases the payload to 353,430 tons, or four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.CONCLUSION “353,000 tons, traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat the reindeer up like a spacecraft reentering Earth’s atmosphere.� Translation: Santa Is Toast!!!

How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?

You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again

:1. Is this the NKOTB reunion concert?2. Does anyone know what state Lance is from?3. Joey’s Hoe #564. All the fellas in the house, lemme hear ya say Boom Shaka Laka Boom!5. This Song Sucks! (and hold it up at the beginning of every song, or even better, hold it up when they’re talking)6. This girl has B.O. (with an arrow pointing to the person next to you)7. I hate baby blue!8. I actually like Joey actually9. I’ll Lay Down Beside You AJ!10. Steve Fatone is HOT! (just a quick way to get yourself on the big screen)11. What up, J-Dawg? Just wanted to make you feel welcome, yo.12. Justin & Britney 4-Ever13. Why don’t you guys ever sing “The Hardest Thing?”14. Hey JC! Where’s Bobbi?15. I made this poster just in case you guys forgot what you looked like (and tape a bunch of teeny posters on it)16. Scream louder for Chris! Hearing loss comes w/old age!17. This one’s a little hard to explain… at the top, write Justin’s To-DoList. Underneath that, write Opening Acts and cross it out. Then write, Britney with a check next to her name, then Tatyana with a check next to hers and then whatever girl is opening at this particular concert, leave the box unchecked.18. JC’s got it goin on FUNKY STYLE!19. Who’s this Lance guy everyone’s talking about?20. JC, will you conduct my school’s band?21. JC, Justin, and Chris all have girlfriends!22. Britney Spears is my idol!23. God Musta Spent a Little More Time on ME.24. Hey! I’m legal!25. Look at me, I’m not wearing baby blue!26. JC is a totally narly dude! (Think JC’s Character ‘Wipeout’ on “Emerald Cove” *MMC*)27. Justin, I’ll be your Apple Jacks and you can eat me all day long!28. Why don’t you ever return my phone calls? I want my child support!29. What possessed you guys to ever write Giddy Up?30. Dreds & a goatee! Gee Chris, that’s CRAZY!

there is a kid named litle Jonny. every friday his techer gives
his class a quiz. if a kid got the question right, they would
have no homework and no school on monday.
the first friday came. the teacher said quiz time. then she
asked how many stars are there in the sky then little jonny got
called on. he answered 1000.
the teacher said thats wrong, heres your homework, see ya
monday. next friday came the teacher said how many fish in the
se lil jonny was caled on. he said 1000 tha teacher said thats
wrong see ya monday.
before next friday came little jonny bought bouncy black 8
balls.
next friday came and the teacher said quiz time then little
bounced the 8 balls. the teacher said allright, who’s the
comedian with the black balls?
little jonny raised his hand and said Bill Cosby.
see ya tuesday