Yours Fun Portal !
Dale Earnheart, Jeff Gordon, Tony Sterut was all trying to get into a strip joint. But the bouncer wouldn’t let them so they said who they were and the bouncer said that if their dicks added up to 13 inches he would let them in. So Dale was 5.
Tony was 6.
And Jeff was 2.
So the bouncer let them in. As they was going in Jeff said,” Thankfuly I had a hard one on.”
Tonya Harding donned her ice skates and competed again this week after five years. Asked why she is returning to competition after such a long layoff, Tonya said she just felt like taking another whack at it.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson were on a camping trip. They had a bottle of wine and went to bed. A couple hours later Holmes woke up and said” Watson look up and tell me what you see” Watson was silent a minute then said ” uh,i see millions and millions of stars.” Holmes replied “and what does that tell you Watson?” Watson said “astrologically i see leo is in saturn. astronomically i see that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Meteorologically i predict it will be a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically i see god is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.” Holmes after a few minutes of disgusted silence said “Watson you dickhead! Some bastard has stolen our tent.
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The
audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed
himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was
only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week
and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the
show:
“Look, it’s not the same hat”
“Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table”
“Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything; it was, after
all, the captain’s parrot. One day the ship had an accident and
sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the
middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at
each other with contempt, but did not utter a word. This went on
for a days. After a week the parrot said: “OK, I give up. You
got me on this one … where’s the boat?”
What is a comedian’s favorite candy?
Snickers!
There were four popstars in a room. One of them did a fart.
Shaggy said, “It wasn’t me.” Craig David said, “I’m walking away.”
Pink said, “You make me sick.” Britney Spears said, “Oops I
did it again!”
The head of the department of education
was talking to president Bush.
” Mr president”, The man said, ” 85% of
the nations children can’t find Iraq on the
map.”
Bush just smiled and calmly stated,
“thats ok. in a few monthes it won’t be on
the map.”
So I went to see the Sixth Sense again to see if there was anything I missed. After the movie, I realized what’s the big deal? So this kid sees dead people, So does Puff Daddy!—Editor’s note: Rap impresario Sean “Puffy” Combs, who stands indicted on gun charges after a nightclub shootout, has oddly enough been cast in a new film (“Made”) as a gangster.
What is this?
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one…
Cher and Madonna don’t have one…
And the Pope doesn’t use his…
Answer: A Last Name!
“Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair.” “Conditioner’s
better. I leave the hair silky and smooooth.” “Oh really, fool?” “Really!”
“I am the smartest man alive!” After he spells couch in a 2nd grade
spelling bee.
“What day is it today?” “October?”
“Stop looking at me Swan.”
“Penguin? What are you doing here? It’s too dang hot for a penguin to just
be walkin’ around here.”
“O’Doyle Rules!”
“So SORRY to interrupt! Proceed!”
“Peeing your pants is the coolest! You ain’t cool unless you’re peeing
your pants!”
“O’Doyle, I have a feeling your whole family is going down.”
“T-t-t-today, Junior!”
” No I will not make out with you!”
“Don’t worry penguin. All the people at the zoo are going to treat you
real respectable like.”
” Hahaha SHUT UP!”
“I wish I could go to High school, Billy!” ” Don’t you ever say that! stay
here, as long as you can!”
Well, the trial’s over, and Michael got off… What’s ironic is that getting off is what got him in trouble in the first place.
1.step in(after doors have opened)
2.press required level
3.avoid getting in with fat people(if there are any talk the
stairs)
4.avoid eye contact( or you will be thought gay)
5. step out