Category: celebrities

God, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Boris Yeltson are all at dinner. In the middle of dinner God says, “Tomorrow I am going to destroy the world.

Boris Yeltson goes back to Russia and tells his cabinet 2 bad things god does exist and tomorrow he’s going to destroy the world.

Clinton goes back to the U.S.A. and tells everyone that there is 1 good thing and 1 bad thing the good thing is god really does exist and the bad thing is he is going to destroy the world tomorrow.

Gates goes back to Microsoft and says 2 great things I’m one of the 3 most important people in the world and the Y2K (Year 2000) problem is solved.

What do you have when you have one green ball in your right hand and one
green ball in your left hand?

Kermit the Frog’s full attention.

What’s the difference between mathew kelly and acne.?

Acne waits till u r a teenager before it cumes all over face.

The top 10 things we want to hear Samuel L. Jackson, “Jedi Master Mace
Windu,” say in the Star Wars Prequel.*

*Note: In case you didn’t know, Samuel L. Jackson will be in the first
prequel as the above character.

10. You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ’cause these ain’t
the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.

9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, ’cause even
if it did I wouldn’t eat the filthy motherfucker.

8. This is your father’s lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have
to kill every motherfuckin’ stormtrooper in the room… accept no
substitutes.

7. If Obi-wan ain’t home then I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I
ain’t got no other connections on Tattooine.

6. Feel the Force, motherfucker.

5. What ain’t no planet I’ve ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on What?

4. You sendin’ the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that’s all you had to say!

3. Yeah Chewie’s got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He’s a
Wookie.

2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch?

1. Hand me my lightsaber… it’s the one that says, “Bad Mother Fucker.”

Michael Jackson and Dennis Rodman where on sinking ship. Who was saved.

The music world and the NBA.

Did ya hear Roseanne was arrested for dealing drugs???

They lifted her dress and found 50 pounds of crack.

What character would Mark McGwire play on the Simpsons?

Homer!

What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?

They both have boys pants half off.

George Michael bought a dry-cleaners shop, he put a sign out the frontsaying “drop your pants and jacket off here”

Right after Lisa Marie had Michael Jackson’s baby, they went to see her gynecologist. After the baby’s exam, Michael asked the doctor, “Doctor, how long will it be before we can have sex?” The doctor replied, “Well, Michael, you probably ought to wait until he’s at least 10 or 11.”

10. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader, Princess
Leia still looked fresh and desirable–after pithy Cardassian starvation
torture, Picard looked like hell.

9. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his action.

8. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he
encounters.

7. One word: lightsabers.

6. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named Slave I.

5. The Death Star doesn’t care if the Earth is class M or not.

4. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.

3. Picard pilots through the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at
one-quarter inpulse power. Han Solo floors it.

2. Aliens have make-up in places other than their foreheads.

1. Death Star vs. Enterprise

If Obi Wan Had a Son, of what name would he bear it?

Obi Tu