Category: celebrities

How did Dolly Parton get two black eyes?

She went jogging without a bra on.

Bill Gates died in an automible accident. When he was taken up to meet “Him”, He told Bill “Bill, you have done alot of things for this world, you changed the way technology works. You were a great man so I am going to let you chose where you want to go Heaven or Hell.” Bill said, “Can I see them first?” So bill went and saw what Hell looked like, ‘It had a beach, palm trees, it was beautiful, sunny, there were rivers, to say the least it was beautiful. Bill was shocked, if this was hell then what did Heaven look like. So he went and checked it out. In heaven there were angels playing harps and it was relaxing. After thinking on it he decided to go to hell, so he got his wish! About a week later”He” went to check up on Bill, when He came, Bill yelled, “WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BEAUTIFUL BEACHES AND THE PALM TREES AND THE RIVERS. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SUN. AFTER YOU DROPPED ME OFF ALL OF THE BEAUTIFUL THNGS DISAPPERED AND THESE LITTLE CREAUTRES STARTED TO FEED ON ME! WHAT HAPPENED?” Then a deep, loud voice came, “WHAT YOU SAW WAS A SCREEN SAVER.”

One day David Beckham was at a press conference.
He started by saying ‘They keep your mouth minty for 2 hours and there only 2 calories which is good for victoria’.

But then someone whisperd to David your here to talk about TACTICS.

What is Michael Jackson’s favorite Theme Park?

Whichever one has the most kids that day.

A guy named Penis von Lesbian came from Austria to America to become an actor. He went to lots of auditions, but never got a job. Finally one director took him aside and said, ‘Son, the only reason we’re turning you away is your name. If you want to make it in this town, you gotta change the name!’But Penis von Lesbian said: ‘I can’t do that! This is my name!’The director said: ‘Suit yourself!’ and went on his way.Years and years later, their paths crossed again. The director said, ‘I remember you! You’re Penis von Lesbian! Did you ever get around to changing your name?’ The actor said, ‘Yes, and it helped! Now I go by Dick Van Dyke.’

In case you missed the article, someone found a condom in a McDonald’s
hamburger recently. Here’s David Letterman’s explanation(s)….

The Top Ten List “McDonald’s Excuses for the Condom in a Big Mac”:

#10. We were test-marketing the new “McTrojan”..

#9. Condom, condiment-what’s the damn difference?

#8. It still tastes better than the “Arch Deluxe”..

#7. It was either there or in the vanilla shake..

#6. It Turns out the rumors about Grimace and Mayor McCheese are true..

#5. We’re experimenting with a new, even happier “Happy Meal”..

#4. So what-a regular Big Mac is 60% latex anyway..

#3. Employees too embarrassed to say, “Would you like condoms with that?”

#2. Drive-thru speaker broken-“Coke with lots of ice” sounded like
“prophylactic device”..

And the #1 McDonald’s Excuse for the Condom in a Big Mac:

#1. When you’re “servicing” billions and billions, you can’t be too careful

The Backstreet Boys response to “Why did the chicken cross the road?”Brian: I think the chicken HAD to cross the road. Why? Ah, that’s the REAL secret. *Jim Carrey voice* Well alrighty then….AJ: The chicken is the wave of the future. *sniff* Where’s he going today? I hate chickens, they freak me out.*sniff*Howie: ‘Cause he’s back! *wink*, and stuff like that, and crossed the street! and stuff like that! *wink* And he’s a chicken! and stuff like that.Kevin: (slowly) I don’t know, but he’s on te-le-vi-sion. Cool, he’s got his own show. He’s my cousin, you know.Nick: Um, basically the chicken, you see, when the uh the chicken? Yeah, the chicken. When he crosses the road, he, really, he has his own flavor. Pretty much he resigns across the road. Resigns? Oh, I’m sorry! I mean resides. The chicken is just as f**king crazy as me and Brian.

Q: What’s old, wrinkled and smells like Ginger?
A: Fred Astaire’s face.

What kind of wood doesn’t float?

Natalie Wood.

Britney Spears, Shaggy and Pink went on a hoilday and shared a hotel room with each other.

One night before going to sleep they heard someone do a fart.

Pink said: You make me sick,

Shaggy said: It wasn’t me

and

Britney spears said: OOps i did it again

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a jockey?

The jockey has a licence to ride 3 year olds.

A preacher and a boy are sitting down when the boy asks him a question. he asks “preacher, is god black or white?”.
the preacher decides to tease him and replys

“both”. then the boy asks if he is gay or straight and gets the answer of both. then he asks, “preacher, is Micheal Jackson god?”