Category: celebrities

why did Micheal Jackson call boys 2 men?

because he thought it was a delivery service

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

“In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle”, he said.

“You may pass through the pearly gates” Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells”.

Saint Peter said “you may pass through the pearly gates”.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”

The man replied, “They’re Carols”.

Q:What do monica lewinsky and a vending machine
have in common

A:they both say insert bill here

David Beckham goes shopping, and sees something interesting in the
> kitchen

> department of a large department store. “What’s that?” he asks.

>

> “A Thermos flask,” replies the assistant. “What does it do?” asks

> Becks.

> The

> assistant tells him it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.

>

> Really impressed, Beckham buys one and takes it along to his next

> training

> session.

>

> “Here, boys, look at this,” Beckham says proudly. “It’s a Thermos

> flask.”

> The lads are impressed. “What does it do?” they ask. “It keeps hot

> things

> hot and cold things cold,”says David.

>

> “And what have you got in it?” asks Roy Keane.

>

> “Two cups of coffee and a choc ice,” replies David.

Mel C. walked into a bar with a pig tied to a piece of string.
“Where the hell did you pick that dirty thing up?” asked the
publican. “Won it in a raffle.” said the pig.

Q: What’s the difference between a spice girl and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

Q: What do you do if a spice girl hurls a grenade at you?
A: Take out the pin and throw it back

Q: What do you call a spice girl behind a steering wheel?
A: An airbag

Q. Why are jokes about Spice Girls so short?
A. So that the girls themselves understand them!

Q. How do you make the Spice Girls laugh on Friday?
A. Tell them a joke on Tuesday!

Q. What’s the difference between an intelligent Spice Girl and a
UFO?
A. Dunno – never seen either!

Q: Why do the Spice Girls smile when there is lightning out?
A: They think they are getting their photo taken

Q: A blond and the Spice Girls jumped off the Empire State
building. Who landed first?
A: The blond. The Spice Girls had to stop and ask directions!

I don’t want to say the Spice Girls are stupid, but they think
“menopause” is a button on a VCR.

One day a spice girl went into the hairdresser and asked for a
haircut. She was listening to a walkman. When the hairdresser
went to take it off she cried out “no no no! Leave it on! Just
cut around it!”, so he did. 6 weeks later the same thing
happened again…the hairdresser tried to take the headphones
off, but the spice girl asked him to cut around it. This
happened again, and again until one day when the hairdresser was
cutting the Spice Girl’s hair when she keeled over dead. He
noticed he had accidentally knocked the headphones off. He
picked them up and pressed play. He heard “Breathe in…breathe
out…breathe in…breathe out”

Q: How many Spice Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw in cars.

Q: What’s the difference between the Spice Girls and a hockey
team?
A: Hockey teams bathe after three periods

Q: Why do Spice Girls have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why don’t Spice Girls eat bananas?
A: They can’t find the zipper.

Q: How do you know when a Spice Girl has been making choc. chip
cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: What does a Spice Girl and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They’re both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why did Mel B. get so excited after she finished her jigsaw
puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Beauty Secrets, by Janet Reno

Home Built Airplanes, by John Denver

How To Get To The Super Bowl, by Dan Marino

Things I Love About Bill, by Hillary Clinton

My Life’s Memories, by Ronald Reagan

Things I Can’t Afford, by Bill Gates

Things I Would Not Do For Money, by Dennis Rodman

The Wild Years, by Al Gore

Amelia Earhart’s Guide To The Pacific Ocean

America’s Most Popular Lawyers

Detroit – A Travel Guide

Dr. Kevorkian’s Collection Of Motivational Speeches

Everything Men Know About Women

Everything Women Know About Men

All The Men I’ve Loved Before, by Ellen Degeneres

Mike Tyson’s Guide To Dating Etiquette

Spotted Owl Recipes, by The Sierra Club

The Amish Phone Directory

My Plan To Find The Real Killers, by O. J. Simpson

My Book Of Morals, by Bill Clinton

If singers ever really sing about thier real lives, shouldn’t these people
be charged?

Celine Dion, Molester
“…I see you, I feel you…” (My Heart Will Go On)

Britney Spears’ boyfriend, Assault
“…Hit me baby, one more time…”

Melissa Joan Hart (In Sabrina The teenage witch, on ABC),
Stalking/Conspiracy
“…One way, or another, I’m gonna find ‘ya, I’m gonna getcha getcha
getcha getcha…”

The girl from the Beach Boys song, “Fun, Fun, Fun”, Speeding
“…and with the radio blasting goes cruisin as fast as she can now…”

1) You believe in Santa Claus2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus3) You are Santa Claus

What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!

Whats the smartest thing that’s ever came from a female’s mouth? einstien’s cock.

Did you ever hear about the dyslexic Satan worshiper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Q: What do you call a blind reindeer?
A: No eye deer

Q: What do you call a blind reindeer with no legs?
A: Still no eye deer

Okay, if you didn’t get it, sound it out… “No idea” and “Still, no idea” — you know, he’s not moving… And for one more, which is R rated for Language, Click Here