Category: car bumpers

All generalizations are false, including this one. “Criminal Lawyer” is a redundancy. I.R.S.: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got! We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. What is a “free” gift ? Aren’t all gifts free? Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART? Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

A woman driver is heading down the expressway, when all of a sudden the woman sees a tree to her left, a tree to her right, and a tree directly in front of her, so she swerves and hits a guardrail.

Later, a cop arrives and ask her what happened, to which she replied,”I saw a tree to my left, a tree to my right, and a tree directly in front of me!”

The cop says, “Ma’am, there ARE trees on both sides of the road, but the one you saw directly in front of you was your air freshener.”

Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.Air Pollution is a mist-demeaner.Editing is a rewording activity.Make yourself at home …..clean my kitchen Allow me to introduce my selves Better living through denial I’m just working here until a good fast food job opens up…. Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done Too many freaks not enough circuses

“All generalizations are false.””Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.”Seen on an old, beat-up car: “This is not an abandoned vehicle.””Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death””Cover me. I’m changing lanes.””The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.””Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep””Work is for people who don’t know how to fish””Montana — At least our cows are sane!””I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.”

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged. She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower. You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.”I love cats…they taste just like chicken””Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.””Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician””I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….””Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!””I souport publik edekasion””We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.””Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?””Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.”

“Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.””I’m out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?” “Happiness is a belt-fed weapon””3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.””2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.””I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. “”MY CHILD was trustee of the month at ELMWOOD!!”BAD COP! – NO DONUT!!! Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply I’m just driving this way to get you mad.Keep honking, I’m reloading. Hang up and drive. Guns don’t kill people, postal workers do. Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit. I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. BEER: It’s not just for breakfast anymore. So you’re a feminist…Isn’t that cute. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. All men are idiots….I married their king. IRS: We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Reality is a crutch for people who can’t handle drugs. Out of my mind…Back in five minutes. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t. I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe. He’s not dead, he’s electroencephalographically challenged. She’s always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower. You have the right to remain silent….Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. Honk if you love peace and quiet. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them! Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?I intend to live forever – so far, so good.Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?What happens if you get scared half to death twice?I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.Black holes are where God divided by zero.All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.Taxation WITH representation isn’t so hot, either!

I wouldn’t be caught dead with a necrophiliac. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it. Okay, who put a “stop payment” on my reality check? Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?