Category: business

Any error in any calculation will be in the direction of the most harm.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the

richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

Two monologues do not make a dialogue.

Cooke’s Law: In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.

Ozman’s Laws: (1) If someone says he will do something “without fail,” he won’t. (2) The more people talk on the phone, the less money they make. (3) People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn’t. (4) Pizza always burns the roof of your mouth.

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.”Boss”, he said, ” The pill actually worked!””That’s all fine” said the boss, ” But where were you yesterday?”

Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts.

Any horizontal surface is soon piled up.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.”
The son-in-law interrupted, “I hate factories. I can’t stand the noise.”

“I see,” replied the father-in-law. “Well, then you’ll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.”

“I hate office work,” said the son-on-law. “I can’t stand being stuck behind a desk all day.”

“Wait a minute,” said the father-in-law. “I just made you half-owner of a moneymaking organization, but you don’t like factories and won’t work in a office. What am I going to do with you?”

“Easy,” said the young man. “Buy me out.”

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The
> brain

> > said, “I should be Boss because I control the whole body’s responses and

> > functions.”

> > > >>The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and

get

> > him where he wants to go.” The hands said, “We should be the Boss

because

> we

> > do all the work and earn all the money.”

> > > >>And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes

until

> > finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the

> > asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself

up

> > and refused to work.

> > > >>Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the

> > feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.

> > > >>Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so

> the

> > motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss

> just

> > sat and passed out the shit.

> > > >>Management Lesson?

> > > >>You don’t need brains to be a Boss – any asshole will do.

Cocaine is nature’s way of telling you you have too much money.