Category: business

For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.

There is no job so simple that it cannot be done wrnog.

A small balding man stormed into a local bar one evening and demanded, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I’m so pissed off I can’t even see straight!” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a DOUBLE.The man swilled down the drink and demanded, “Gimme another ONE!” The bartender pours the drink, but said, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you’re so upset?”So the man begins his tale: “Well, I am a salesman for this fancy goose pillows. I got an order and took several samples to an apartment in this neighbourhood. I knock on the door and this woman opens the door. Now, the lady can’t make up her mind, so she asks me to take the samples to the bedroom and check them there. As I get into the bedroom I hear some keys jingling, and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door.””Well, the woman says, ‘Oh my god, it’s my BOYFRIEND. He must have lost his WRESTLING match today, he’s gonna be REAL MAD! He won’t believe that you are just a salesman. Quick, HIDE!'””So, I opened at the CLOSET, but I figured that was probably the FIRST place he would look, so I didn’t hide there. Then I looked under the bed, but no, I figured he’s bound to look there, too. By now I could hear the key in the lock. I noticed the window was open, so I climbed out and was hanging there by my FINGERS praying that the guy WOULDN’T see me.”The bartender says “Well I can see how you might be a BIT FRUSTRATED at this point.””Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he yells out, ‘Tell me, who you been seeing now?'””The girl said, ‘Nobody, honey, now have a glass of water and calm down.’ Well the guy starts TEARING up the room. I hear him tear the door off the closet and throw it across the room. I’m thinking, ‘Boy, I’m glad I didn’t hide in there.’ Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room. Good thing I didn’t hide under there either.””Then I heard him say, ‘What’s that over there by the WINDOW?’ I think ‘Oh boy, I’m dead meat now’. But the woman by now is trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking.””Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom, and I hear water running for a long time, and I figure maybe he’s gonna take a bath or something, when all of a sudden the guy pours a pitcher of scalding HOT WATER out of the window right on top of my head! I mean look at this, I got second degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!”The bartender said, “Oh man, that would have pissed me off for SURE.” “No,” the customer replied, “that didn’t really BOTHER me. Next the guy starts slamming the window shut over and over on my hands. I mean, look at my fingers. They’re a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this glass.”The bartender looks at the guy’s hands and agreed, “Yeah, buddy, I can understand why you are so UPSET.””No, that WASN’T what really pissed me off.” The bartender then asked in exasperation, “Well, then, what DID finally piss you off?””Well I was hanging there for hours, and I turned around and looked down, and I WAS ONLY ABOUT 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!!!”

Wanna know a good joke??
LOok in the freakin mirror!!

Finagle’s Creed: Science is true. Don’t be misled by facts.

If it is worth doing, it is worth over-doing.

For every vision, there is an equal and opposite revision.

One child is not enough, but two children are far too many.

The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day that she had been selling her body at a hundred dollars a night. The agent, who had long lusted for her, hadn’t dreamed that she had been so easily obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on, and how much he wanted to make it with her.

She agreed to spend the night with him, but said he would have to pay her the same hundred dollars that the other customers did. He scratched his head, considered it, and then asked, “Don’t I even get my agent’s ten percent as a deduction?”

“No siree,” she said. “If you want it, you’re going to have to pay full price for it, just like the other Johns.”

The agent didn’t like that at all, but he agreed.

That night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local night club. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the lights.

At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was made love to again. The actress was impressed with her lover’s vitality.

“My goodness,” she whispered in the dark, “you are so virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent.”

“I’m not your agent, lady,” a strange voice answered. “He’s at the door selling tickets.”

Weinberg’s Corollary: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.

Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.

Good listeners are not only popular everywhere, but after awhile they know something.