Category: business

I disapprove of every conspiracy of which I am not a part.

Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.

Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlordsCould you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much. When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife’s new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.

Information deteriorates upward through bureaucracies.

One of the greatest labor-saving inventions today is tomorrow.

No experiment is ever a complete failure; it can always be used as a bad example.

Whitehead’s Law: The obvious answer is always overlooked.

Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager. Upon completion of the test both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said.Manager: “Thank you for your interest, but we’ve decided to give the American the job”Murphy: “And why would you be doing that? We both got nine questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!”Manager: “We have made our decisions not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed.”Murphy: “And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?”Manager: “Simple, the American put down on question #5, “I don’t know.”, You put down “Neither do I.”

Only them as knows their own…knows.

Old age is always fifteen years older than you are.

A donkey is a horse designed by a study team.

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.