Category: business

To attract maximum attention, it’s hard to beat a good, big, dumb mistake.

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you find a large enough rock.

Progress may have been all right once, but it went on too long.

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

Whatever happens, look as if it were intended.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn!

10. They can’t garnish what you don’t make.

9. Your life no longer compares to those annoying Dilbert cartoons.

8. Chance to meet exotic male dancers in unemployment line (and do the Full Monte)

7. Sleep all night . . . Sleep all day!

6. Much like a Carnival cruise, every day is a holiday!

5. If you push its buttons the wrong way, the remote won’t cry sexual harassment.

4. Underwear and a pair of Birkenstocks becomes your “Professional Attire”.

3. Re-runs of Chips only shown during regular working hours.

2. It really pisses off the in-laws.

1. The only glass ceiling she’ll be complaining about is the mirror over your bed!

Canada Bill Jones’s Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

1. Act out your version of a company takeover.2. Find a way to change everyone’s password to “chrysanthemum”.3. Around 3:20am, play connect-the-dots with lights still on in other office buildings. Keep going until you see a small woodland creature.4. Sneaking in the boss’s desk could land you an unexpected promotion.5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out “what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art”.6. Go into the other gender’s bathroom without fear of being caught.7. Run up and down the hallways screaming, hoping security will come so you can have someone to talk to.8. Leave prank messages on the CEO’s voice mail.9. Finally, a chance to live out a dream and pretend to be your boss.10. Elevator surfing!

Whistler’s Law: You never know who is right, but you always know who is in charge.

The more you run over a cat, the flatter it gets.