Category: business

Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.

I love my Job ~ By Dr Seuss

I love my Job
I love my Job, I love the Pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss; he’s the best!
I love his boss and all the rest.
I love my Office and its location –
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that piles up every day!
I love my chair in my padded Cell!
There’s nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my Peers –
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my Computer and all its Software;
I hug it often though it doesn’t care…
I love each Program and every File,
I try to understand once in a while!!
I’m happy to be here, I am I am;
I’m the happiest Slave of my uncle Sam.
I love this Work: I love these Chores.
I love the Meetings with deadly Bores.
I love my Job – I’ll say it again –
I even love these friendly Men –
These men who’ve come to visit today
in lovely white coats to take me away!!

A blind man interviews for a job as a quality controller at the local wood mill. The manager calls the blind man into his office and asks him how he expects to do this job since he is blind. The blind man replied he would do it by smell.
The manager decides to test him and places a piece of wood in front of him.

The manager asks, “What is it without touching it?”

The blind man replies, “That’s a good piece of fir.”

“Correct,” says the manager, “now try this one.”

“That’s a bad piece of willow,” says the blind man.

“Correct,” answers the manager. With that, the manager decides to play a trick on the blind man. He gets his secretary to lift up her dress and put her crotch in the blind mans face.

“I’m confused,” says the blind man, “Can you turn it around?”

The secretary turns around and puts her ass in his face.

The blind man says, “Oh, you’re trying to fool me! But I know exactly what kind of wood that is. It’s the bathroom door off a tuna boat!”

Was there money on the Ark?
Yes:The duck had a bill,the skunk had a scent,and the frog had a greenback.

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, “I’m a walking economy.”
The friend replies “How so?”

“My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!”

If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others.

It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.

This one woman who was in her late 40’s went to the plastic surgen. She wanted an entire face lift and so the doctor said he had this new technique. The woman asked how it was done so the doctor explained it. He said that he would cut two slits on top of her head and tie them into a knot. The woman asked why he would put a knot, and the doctor said that it was so if her face felt a little droopy, when she twisted it to the right, it would tighten the skin on her face. The woman decided to get the surgery done.The doctor told her to come back in four months so he could check up on how she was doing. During the four months the woman had tightened the knot quite a bit. When the woman had finally gone back to see the doctor, she had been complaining about her bags under her eyes being heavy.The doctor examined her for one minute and said, lady, those aren’t bags under your eyes, they’re your tits! And then the lady said, that would explain the gotee on my chin!

Always good advice:

1) Backup your important files.

2) Defragment your hard drive.

3)Never pass up an opportunity to pee.

Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer, provided of course you know that there is a problem.