Category: business

1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances.2. Came dressed in only a towel…again.3. Ran out of paper clips.4. I’ve decided to telecommute.5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.6. It’s a long drive home to Texas.7. One-day sale at Macy’s.8. My brain is melting!9. I think they found me out…10. Accidently erased the whole week’s work off the computer disk.

If you are given two contradictory orders, obey them both.

I will get it done when I get it done!

Cop-out number 1. You should have seen it when I got it.

Cutler Webster’s Law: There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.

Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for office automation?

If you put it off long enough, it might go away.

Lieberman’s Law: Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter, because nobody listens.

No matter which direction you start, it’s always against the wind coming back.

Becker’s Law: It is much harder to find a job than to keep one. – Jules Becker & Co. (Becker goes on to claim that his law permeates industry as well as government, “…once a person has been hired inertia sets in, and the employer would rather settle for the current employee’s incompetence and idiosyncrasies than look for a new employee.”)

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

Things could be worse; suppose your errors were counted and published every day, like those of a baseball player.