Category: business

Hugh Downs’ Four Rules for Investigating the Universe: Rule 1 – When confronted with an apparent infinite or infinitely repeating pattern, expect some variant that keeps it from being infinite. Rule 2 – When all investigation supports Rule 1, look for a situation which violates it. Rule 3 – Be prepared for an infinite oscillation between Rules 1 and 2. Rule 4 – Apply Rule 1.

If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line.

“You Know It’s Your Last Day At Work When……”You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox.A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on the last fat ugly old lady. This one’s your turn”. Your boss is standing behind you. It’s his wife.While your boss is at lunch, you sneak in and look at some confidential information on his computer. You spill coffee on the keyboard. It shorts out.You return from a week’s vacation to find that you had scheduled *this* week as vacation, not last week.You take a “sick” day. The next morning the boss asks you, “So, how was the fishing on Rock Creek yesterday?”.You wake up hung over. You have a black eye and barked knuckles. You’re in jail. Last night was the company Christmas party.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.- Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

One day at the office, Joe was sitting at his desk working. His co-worker Frank walks in and notices that Joe is not feeling well.

“What’s wrong Joe”, asks Frank.

“I’m all stressed out, my head is killing me.”

“You want to know what I do when I need relief from stress?”, suggests Frank. “I go home, tell my wife to lie on the bed, then I rest my head on her chest. Give it try, it works great!”

Joe then takes a break. An hour later he returns to work totally refreshed with a smile on his face.

“You look alot better, did you try what I told you?”, asked Frank.

“I sure did, thanks!”, responded Joe. “By the way, you have a nice apartment.”

You can’t expect to hit the jackpot if you don’t put a few nickles in the machine.

I would give $1000 to be a millionaire.

Every solution breeds new problems.

A man walks into a bar and asks for 15 shots of vodka the bartender then asks what it was in aid of he replied, “i just had my first blow job” the batender says well done have one on me its ok he replies if 15 shots doesnt take the taste of cum out my mouth nothing will!

Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, “What do you have for collateral?”

The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the elephant and says, “I don’t know. I’m going to have to ask Mr. Larson, the bank manager to approve this.”

He goes into Mr. Larson’s office and comes back.

Two minutes later, Mr. Larson comes out with the elephant and says, “It’s a knick-knack Paddywack, give the frog a loan!”