Category: business

If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges.

I JUST KNEW I WAS IN BIG TROUBLE AT WORK WHEN… …the new policy on sexual harassment included a photo of me. …the Security guard made a complete inventory of my work area. …my assistant began responding to my memos with, “Yeah, whatever.” …I got a “It’s for you loser” wav receiving e-mail, & not a chime. …my new Pentium was replaced with an 386sx-16 last weekend. …the Human Resources Dept requested an update of my arrest record. …the Boss asked if I still had a copy of my 5 year contract. …I noticed co-workers measuring my office when I arrived at work. …my parking spot was relocated next to the dumpster. …my secretary sez things like “Get the phone, my nails aren’t dry.” …three people began helping me write a “desk manual” for my job. …the LAN suddenly began backing-up my computer every 10 minutes. …a large paper recycling box was placed next to my file cabinets. …the receptionist began saying “Who ???” to anyone calling on me.

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move said the broker, it’s only $1 a share.”

“Buy me 1000 shares.” said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right, give me 5000 more shares.”

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares said the client.”

“Great!” said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”

The broker said, “To whom? You were the only one buying that stock.”

Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.

Your so poor one day i saw you kicking a can anmd when i asked you what you were doing and you told me you were moving!

Your so poor i stepped on a cockroach and your mom yelled you damn b**** that was our dinner!

You so poor I blew out your match and you yelled “dad, the heaters out again!”

Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

For every problem, there is a neat, plain solution…and it is always wrong.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.

You can’t outtalk a man who knows what he’s talking about.

It’s out of my control.

Blessed are those who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.