Category: business

The best way to make a fire with two sticks is to make sure one of them is a match.

Just because you are paranoid doesn’t mean they are not out to get you.

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.- Walt Disney didn’t die. He’s in suspended animation.- Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.- Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.

All good things must come to an end, I just want to know when they start!

A rookie officer pulled over a guy who was speeding.
officer:May I see your license?

Man:It is not valid.It has been revoked 5 times.

officer:Well then can I please see the registration to the car?

Man:this is not my car.I carjacked it.

Officer:Well open up the glove box and let me see who it is regitered to.

Man:I can’t open up the glove box,it has my loaded gun in there

About this time the officer is reaching for his gun.

Officer:Well what do you have a gun in the glove box for?

Man:Oh, I used to kill my wife who is stuffed in the trunk.

The officer goes over and calls for backup.The police chief comes over and says,

Chief:Let me get this straight, you are driving on a license that has been revoked 5 times?

Man: No, Here, take a look,

And sure enough it was valid

Chief:Okay,but you carjacked this car?

Man:No it is my car.Let me get the registration out of the glove box and show you.

Chief:But don’t you have a loaded gun in there ?

Man:NO

And sure enough there was no gun in there and the car belonged to the man.

Chief:Well it is my understanding that you shot your wife and she is in the trunk.

Man:No,let me open it for you.

And sure enough there was nobody in the trunk.

Man: And let me guess,The lying son-of-a-gun probably told you I was speeding too!

All inanimate objects can move just enough to get in your way.

History repeats itself. That is one of the things wrong with history.

The workbench is always untidier than last time.

It is easier to take it apart than to put it back together.

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” “We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.” “Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

Don’t let your mouth write no check that your tail can’t cash. – Bo Diddley

Our program,

Who art in memory,

“Hello” be thy name.

Thy spreadsheets be formatted,

thy code be downloaded,

from disk

as it will be in memory.

Give us on screen

our data spreads,

and forgive us our typos,

as we forgive those who ask that we document.

Lead us not into frustration,

but deliver us from glitches.

For thine is the algorithm,

the application,

and the solution,

looping forever and ever.

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