Category: business

It’s not how good your work is, it’s how well you explain it.

Everything is always done for the wrong reasons.

Error is often more earnest than truth.

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Flucard’s Corollary: Anything dropped in the bathroom falls in the toilet.

Conway’s Law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what’s going on; this person must be fired. Corollaries: 1. Nobody whom you ask for help will see it. 2. The first person who stops by, whose advice you really don’t want to hear, will see it immediately.

No man’s credit is as good as his money.

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk 9. “Actually I’m doing a “Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan” (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend. 8. “I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.” 7. “Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.”

If the slightest probability for an unpleasant event to happen exists, the event will take place, preferably during a demonstration.

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m really quite busy. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t care. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. No, my powers can only be used for good. How about never? Is never good for you? I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me You sound reasonable…Time to up my medication I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant. Who me? I just wander from room to room. My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys! At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness.