Category: business

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.

The deadline is one week after the original deadline.

Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.

A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy. The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.
“Things aren’t going too well, guys,” he announced grimly. “So to perk up sales I’m announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job.”

“What does the loser get?” asked one of the salesmen.

The owner looked at both men and said, “The loser gets to give it.”

So you want a day off. Let’s take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I’ll be darned if you are going to take that day off!

Wet manure is slippery. – OSHA discovery

A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.

Given a bad start, trouble will increase at an exponential rate.

Conscious is being aware of something; conscience is wishing you weren’t.

How careers end… Painters are discolored. Spinsters are dismissed. Judges are disappointed.

Brooke’s Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.