Category: business

My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, “I’m the Boss”. He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, “Your wife called. She wants her sign back!”

Baker’s First Law of Federal Geometry: A block grant is a solid mass of money surrounded on all sides by governors.

The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

1. I’m really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.3. I’ll kill myself if I don’t get a job.4. I know where you live.5. Any sentence beginning with “I was recently acquitted.”6. I’m really tall, so I think I’d be well suited to this job.7. Happy faces.8. By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters.9. I’m confident that I’ll get this job. The voices told me.

Osborn’s Law: Variables won’t, constants aren’t.

THINGS YOU’LL NEVER HEAR AN EMPLOYEE TELL HIS/HER BOSS4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don’t open the door for me. I might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in future and opening doors is good training. 5. If you give me more than one job to do, don’t tell me which is the priority. Let me guess. 6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.

If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line.

Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

It is when you trip over your own shoes that you start picking up shoes.

Don’t try to have the last word; you might get it.

It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.